Still paranoid.

Wolf.

Dearest blog readers ;

We meet once again. 

Well not to lie but I've got to say

 I am tremendously sorry for neglecting my blog again. How long has it been? Two months or so right? But the main thing is ; I just wanna say sorry like for being away for a little while.

Dearest best friend ;

 I honestly don't know what would 

I do without you ♥

You see, the problem you and I is that we never did understand that life is about making mistakes. And through these mistakes, we are suppose to learn and grow from it. 

Why can't she ever learn to move on? Cause of all these feelings she had for you. Cause of all these memories created. She is a mess without you and it is so unbelievable that you are emotionally blind to all these. Cut out my eyes and leave me blind for a temporarily. I don't care what people say ; The rush is worth the price I pay :] 
I get so high when you're with me ; 

But crash and crave you when you leave :'] 

I think it's important to have closure in any relationship that ends - from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.

 -Jennifer Aniston ♥

Why do people do it? We deny the fact that we did wrong in everything or whatever we do. Why can't we take responsibility and move on? I don't know, you tell me.

Great movie indeed.

You see all my lights and you are

 the one and only who loves my dark.

Funny when I walked passed everyone people give me this stare that I do know a lot of people. That I have lotsa friends in the world. Well, I can't seem to deny. That is a true statement. That in life, I meet lots of people. But I think it is a sad thing to say seven billion of people in the world and the amount of best friends I have on planet Earth are only about ten people. I think amongst these few, there are just a few I would wanna talk about here. Wait let me see where should I start ranting alright? Besties? I can't promise you that I would help you solve all your problems, but I can as hell do promise you that you need not to face them problems alone :'] 

"Twenty years from now, I am going to look back and remember that there were those few people who could turn every frown into a smile in a few simple words. Those people who lifted my head when I was losing faith in myself. Those few people who carried tears on their shoulders after every fight, every break up, every death. The people who always knew what I was feeling by the look on my face. The few who accepted who I was when everyone else laughed in my face. Those people that accepted every decision I made believing I’d make the right decisions. The few who knew who I really was. Those people that made the biggest difference in my life. 

 The ones who were my strength through hard times.           

My best friends."

You know what's sad? What is sad when I read through your blog I can't help but feel a pang in my heart. Advises and hours spent, all I gave them all to you. I was there when no one was when you started this. I stood by you telling every single person in their faces that you would make it. Funny and sad as hell when today I can look back at all these and feel so darn pathetic when even a lunch hour we had to keep fixing again and again. I get it. I really do. You are someone now and you are busy. And I can't help it, I needed you. I really can't. I know I might be the biggest selfish girl you ever met but sometimes I just wish you are still the old you when we first met that you always had your time for me.

I know I should hate you, I know. I get it but I don't. Why?

I know I should move on, but I can't. Why? 

I know I should face that things are over between us but I swear I remember that promise the both of us had that you would never be like them. You promised to have my back to infinity and beyond. So I guess just please, don't break the promise that meant the world to me, because right now, I am feeling completely stuck and abandoned all over again.

You know what sucks? This. This giddy feeling that I am getting that I am missing you all over again. Sincerely I think I am a fooked up. I mean I don't get it. How could you do it? Make somebody felt as if they are the one best friend you have and all of a sudden, with a snap of your fingers, you just forget them? You give them the silent treatment and you expect you both to be strangers again. And it sucks. Because I think it is not that I did not try. I did. I freaking admit gosh okay. I have an ego problems okay level higher than the KLCC building and to be putting myself down over and over again trying to like figure out what happened to us. I don't get it. I don't get you. I don't get myself and all and all  ;

 I don't get us :X

I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps. 
-Tom's thoughts on Summer 

in 500 Days Of Summer :]

I think this kills me. Seriously. I don't know to move on. Or to be stuck on stupid. I mean I really do. I want to sit down and be able to fix everything upright again. Everyone else around me tells me to give up. How could you? How could you blurt them words out that I might just forget you when I leave school someday? :( I think that line itself kills me seeing how much faith you have in myself thou. This kills. Treasure. It is a shame that I dreamed. I really did. Dad told me, there are two kind of people in the world. One who come into your life, they teach you a lesson and then they leave. And the other kind who comes into your life and they stay through thick or thin. Which group do you belong to? I don't know. Do I know what are you thinking? No. I don't. And is there ever sense of you fixing things up as well? Why la why? Why can't you see what you mean to me? Why do you have to compare yourself to others when can't you see that I am truly happy when I am with you? 

But then again, sighs. 

I miss the old you. I miss the old us.

You are right I guess. You are happy now. And that is what I have always wanted. You being happy. And if you being happy involves me leaving then I would. I really would :( I don't know if things are better off this way? All I felt is just I am a jerk and a fooked up la for bringing all of these to myself. All when I thought you did cared. That I meant something. Maybe it was all just me. I don't know what should I do. Should I head over sit with you and talk things out? Or should I put a full stop to where it is? Sighs all and all. I’ll stay with you through thick and thin, I’ll be there for everything, I’ll listen when you need to talk, I’ll hold you when you need to cry. I would never find someone like you, ever. But I'll just never be okay. Thanks for everything. Thanks for the memories :(

I might forget things you said ; but I'll never forget how or rather what you make me feel. 

I feel like I should never give up on us thou. On this friendship. We'll make this work. I don't know how but we would. I feel like such a failure when I did post the picture and seeing you react to that. I admit it, I break. I broke down like nobody's business. Maybe time for me to learn thou :( I sincerely don't know what to do or what to say or what to react anymore. Dear everyone who is reading this, give me the strength to carry on and to fix things upright. Give me the courage and the guts to do so. Dear gosh, the only thing I ask, is to hold us all when we're all trying to fight for this. Lead us all to a better path. Show us which is the best way thou. I get it, if he is happier this way, I would leave. I would leave the second he want me to, but I want the reason why. I deserve the reason why and I demand for the reason why. 

Things I'm good at:

-not answering texts

-getting my hopes up

-pushing people away

-being awkward

-pissing people off

Rav, fight for the reason why. And I am not going to back down till' I obtain the reason why. I guess the reason is just being ; you :'[ 

Treasure ; Bruno Mars ;

09/08/2013 <3