Beautiful Soul :']

I wished I knew that this was coming. 

That people were going to leave me and ; 

I was expected to just watch them leave and ;

those who cares, would eventually stay.

I have been feeling that 24 hours is not even sufficient for me. With so many classes to catch up with, workload on pending, and never ending list of people to meet, I feel as if I cannot pull through this phase of life. And it scares me that I cannot 

seem to find time for anything or people that I love.

Until recently, when I spoke to you, I realized that you do not understand any part of these which I am going through. It doesn't makes me angry, yet I am sad because to me, you should have known better. 

And despite after all that we have gone through, it makes me feel you just wanted to benefit out of all of this. How do I put a value to our friendship? I can never place a price tag on it. But when I hear all of those words you uttered, for once, I feel that I need to remove toxic people like you, away, from my life.

Lately, I think I just enjoy being alone. I love the quietness I have and people who I need are all along me. I just needed the 5 friends who would go against the world, with me. And it took me so long to realize that, I enjoy my own company. It makes me sad and numb, but three words for myself, life. goes. on.

 

Thus, there would be changes now. 

It is time to invest in new people. It is time to let go of the past and stop beating myself up over it. Pointless. Exasperating. So, why not find other people till I figure who is compatible and who doesn't.

To those who have always stayed, I couldn’t thank you enough. It is during this lowest hit rock bottom time of mine that you all stayed despite having me to keep pushing you all away. Keep staying because it is during this darkest of times that I needed you all most. Thank you for never leaving my side and 

always helping me to tug on. Thank you for being the greatest and strongest pillar I have in life, loves.

I think what most people do not understand is that when you are in a bad mood, just don’t mix them up with bad words. Eventually your mood will past but never your words. And I think this is me included. When one says something, I tend to let it take the best out of me because that’s what people do. They criticizes and comments the best out of you, points fingers and makes me feel all insecure and things.

But I have learnt, the hard way of course, that I need to let this attachment go. I’ve cried, I’ve tried so hard yet I still fail. And I slowly began that there are changes, between the both of us. I honestly do not know if this leads to the better or the worst, but I do know that, I have done my part. One day, I would be able to turn back and comfort myself to say that, 

“ Hey, at least I’ve tried ”. 

How can some people just be so mean? How can some people be so dark inside that it burns them to always be so hateful. Haven't you heard that inner beauty comes from within? Why do you have so much unhappiness and unhappiness within you that you have to destroy another? Can you live with that thought that you’ve destroyed another beautiful soul? Another beautiful soul like me, in specific. 

No more struggles.

You know I like you. 

I like that feeling that I get when I am with you. 

I like that feeling as if I belong to somebody.

 That I belong to you and you give me those gitters that I get in my tummy that gets me feeling this way. 

I have always loved the way your eyes whenever they looked at mine. I've always adored the way we looked at each other and I've always felt as if your eyes could actually look into my soul. People say that our eyes are the window to our soul. Is it true? But why do 

I only feel connected to you and not other people?

I have always loved the way your eyes whenever they looked at mine and I had always felt as if your eyes could look deep into my soul. People say that our eyes are the window to our soul. Is it true? Why 

do I only feel connected when it comes to you?

I

You know. Call it a dream. Call it a vision. 

I have always looked at us and wondered 

how things might work out between us. 

How would ever get things done?

 And I know, that you keep on 

insisting upon telling me that YOU are here. 

That YOU are here to stay forever and more. 

But I always let these little insecurities get to me. 
And I cannot help but to overcome them. 
Like what if we are married down the road together, YOU think I am such a boring person.
Like what if a person like you, 
can find someone so much better than ME. 

  What if you no longer find me attractive?
Like you used to.
Like maybe I am not that pretty after all?
That, I do, have flaws.
That I am NOT that perfect after all. 
That you've discovered. 
What happens then?

What if you stopped loving me? I know. 

There is just a demon inside of me and I have 

always knew that I don't deserve being happy.

 I have always knew that you, of all people, 

deserves someone better. Someone better than me. 

That with a status quo like yours, you do deserve a better standard and a better living. A better and prettier girl than me, at least. But, why do this 

heart of mine, yearns so much for you?

Like, if I were to wake up in the middle of the night, crying, would you stay the night up with me, comforting me? Or would you just sleep away? Like after years of seeing me with scars and stretch marks, would you still love them? Like as much as you love me? Or would you pack and run away? Would you ever do that to me? Pack my heart in your suitcase and just leave. Carrying all my dreams of us being together? Tarnishing every memories that we have. 

Would you?

Never felt like this before.
Are we friends? Or are we more?
As I'm walking towards the door.
 I'm not sure.

But baby if you say, you'd want me to stay,

I'll change my mind.

   I want you.   

Boy, you don't know how I really feel.

Since you've been away. Oh, baby.

Any chance that you could take my call?

You've been saying you don't wanna talk. 

But, it is cool. 

I've been thinking about you all day long. 

Hoping you pick up your phone. 

 

So, call me maybe?

Well, it's good to hear your voice ; 

I hope you're doing fine ;
And if you ever wonder, I'm lonely here at night.
I'm lost here in this moment 

and time keeps slipping by ;
And if I could have just one wish ;
I'd have you by my side.

She didn't know who would leave or stay.

So, she pushed them all AWAY.

So hello once again blog readers. Where did I left off in the previous post thou? Oh I told you guys that I was meeting up with both the girls prefect juniors huh? Alrights, before I go to that event. I had so much fun Wednesday night. What happened was despite having sleep deprived, cause I only slept for two hours at Joeyy's and I was going on 48 hours with only two hours of sleep. That night, Josean came over my place whilst I was watching Rab Ne Bana Jodi starring Shah Rukh Khan. Since Jake was pretty busy playing Dota 2, he joined me whilst we waited for yumcha that night. 

This movie is definitely one of my fave all time Hindi movies considering it was abruptly my third time watching it in the long run. So we left to BRJ Bistro Corner in Alam Damai at 11:30p.m. and we went for supper. Now the weird thing for that day was that I had mamak food for dinner as well that night. We went for yumcha and we sat outside. Thankfully, the shop was showing the movie as well so I decided to continue watching there. Halfway eating, it started raining and it poured so heavily. Jake quickly settled for bill and we got out of there and drove ourselves to find other yumcha spots. Too bad Nyonya Kopitiam closed already by the time we were there. The boys wanted to go pool but because I was there they could not. Thus, I felt bad. We chirped in few suggestions to go 7-11 then after to grab some snacks and drinks, yay Josean paid for them and drove us home. We settled comfortably and took Star Wars Monopoly out and started playing.

So as the usual, the game went on so fast and it was such a miracle I still remembered how to play it despite been years since I have really played Monopoly thou. We played and the game went on so fast with Josean and Jake. Before I know it, I lost to Josean and Jake already. Josean won overall and he left the crib at almost four in the morning. I don't really remember much things after that. All I remembered was clearing up and crawl into mum's room. The next thing I knew, the clock showed nine in the morning and I showered, dressed up and got ready to meet both Xin Wei and Huii Yi in Starbucks, Berjaya Times Square. 

I was there early. Surprisingly them both were late thou. I was in town sharp at eleven in the morning. I waited for them about fifteen minutes and I was freaking out as the usual. Number one, cause I did not have my phone with me and my Asus tablet ran out of battery. I was really fighting against the need of coffee on that day thou. They both reached, we hugged and decided for brunch at Food and Tea. We spoke and we took pictures of food and of ourselves. I gave them both practically most of my things from the board. Hoping them both would like it. Oh Huii Yi got to remind me that I duplicated locker key for her thou. Rawr I forgot to bring it with me when I met them. Sighs. So we laughed, we chatted, we giggled and we gossiped. They even updated me news about school and about them. I literally had my jaw dropped after listening to them both. Alright, let me just let the pictures do the talkings for me, okay? Here you go ;

The photos started off with us three and then Xin Wei and Huii Yi decided to selca cause I had to leave for toilet break. Rawr. Take advantage some more. Then got them both to capture a picture of myself followed by pictures with both the girls one at a time. Now, here are the photos of the food. Yum! Yum! Yum!

 Buttered Chicken Diced with Rice ; RM 10.90 ; Mine

 Shredded ham tomato pasta baked spaghetti ; 
RM 10.90 ; Huii Yi's

 Seafood with Cheese Baked Spaghetti ; 
RM 13.60 ; Xin Wei's

Ours :)

Left : Lemon Red Tea ; 

RM 6.30 (Xin Wei and Huii Yi's)

Right : Strawberry Milk Shake ; RM 6.20 (Mine)

So the three of us girls left settled our bills and we left for Sungei Wang at one in the afternoon. We shopped all sixth floor and I finally walked out with drum rolls! Yeps my first Aztec printed long dress black in colour which I have been dying to have and we bought earrings. Speaking of which I have not even tried on how would I look in the dress thou. We talked and laughed even more while we were walking and shopping thou. Cool right? So, it was at four and it rained so heavily thou. Xin Wei's mum rang her up and told her to come home so the three of us made our way back in the rain back Times Square and both the girls and I bid our goodbyes as they left and I continued shopping in Times Square :] They both shopped in Times Square a day earlier than that thou. 

Oh, PMR results are out and I am so so happy that my fave kid in school, Vikinesh scored straight Aces. I am a proud mummy cause he called me mum what. So happy that he shut them haters down and so glad that he proved everyone wrong about him cause he made it. Like with planning events and all that. I am just so excited now that I want to get my STPM results and pass with flying colours and make my baby boy proud. Heh :)

I don't understand something thou, them kids after PMR is asking for new phones from their parents. Let me tell you what is the best thing you can ever ask for thou. Time. Love. Food. And most of all, shopping spree thou. The cash. I mean what is the point of having a new phone when it will eventually turn old? And besides your current phone is still functioning well isn't it? I mean like use your old gadget first la. Right? Came home last night exhausted and tired like crap. So I called it a day. Slept for seven hours ; woke up had marmite chicken with rice and went back to bed at midnight. Woke up this morning at eight and went out with mum again. Was so exhausted of waiting but :'( Got that done for almost three hours. 

Anyone wanna take a guess where I am right now? :( 

Alone again as the usual sighs :'( 

Been waiting forever for you to 

walk out that door seriously :/

Eugene made a new video and it is a cover of 

Make You Mine by Benny Tipene. 

He has such a raspy and harsh singing voice at times, and yet he can also sing so beautifully that you wouldn't guess it. He is honestly the exact example of a national treasure with soul and passion to spare. Everyone should hear him out. 

I adore how raspy his voice is. Been missing you a lot that you're 5000miles and seven seas away from me.

>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-srF8JR85k

Had this two songs stuck in my head from yesterday.

严艺丹 - 三寸天堂

English lyrics Jade Palace Lock Heart MV 

(Ai De Gong Yang) - Mickey He

2013 is almost over thou. Five more days to X'mas and eleven more to New Year's (2014).

Got to get my New Year's Resolution List done thou.

2013 was basically the year I've learnt most about myself thou, I guess. Before I end this post I wanna tell the whole world that before I die, I would like to ;

That is about it for now. Blogged for almost an hour and forty five minutes. Make it two hours then. 

Great day everyone. 

Anything just catch me on Facebook or Twitter okay? :')

Smile ;

Uncle Kracken.

“We're connected, as women. It's like a spiderweb. If one part of that web vibrates, if there's trouble, we all know it, but most of the time we're just too scared, or selfish, or insecure to help. But if we don't help each other, who will?” 

To the outside world we all grow old.  But not to sisters.  We know each other as we always were.  We know each other's hearts.  We share private family jokes.  We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys.  We live outside the touch of time.  

Two younger sisters discovered through the Prefectorial Board of MBSSKL. Probably my fave picture of the day. Chinese New Year's shopping spirit onz thanks to them both! I had a great evening, thus thankiew so much girls. All the best and make me proud. Hoping to see you both soon and we will gather Wye Kei and Yvonne this time alrights? :) 

The sisterhood, is poweful. 

From left : Ma Xin Wei, Foo Huii Yi and Raveenaa (Your Blogger) 

Before leaving Food and Tea we decided to paint our nails. Different colours, different fingers. Xin Wei's is blue, mine is vibrant yellow and Huii Yi's green.