Because you are my Chaudhary.

It has been 3 months before 

I last sat down for a post and because this was going to be 

my first of the year post of 2020, I might as well make it a great one :) 

This post was dedicated to a soul so dear to me, and I have to pin this here that I have so many words to say to you, but I cannot thank you enough so here it goes. 

Mawloud had been an amazing friend, companion, talker, listener. A year ago, if you would have asked me on the thoughts of furthering my studies, I would have laughed. My exact replies would have been, “I barely made out of Undergraduate life, and here you are asking me to do my Masters and then Doctorate?”. I would have waved anybody off that comes in my way. 

Truthfully, 2019 hasn’t been an easy year. I’ve lost and I’ve gained. Mostly lost. Maybe because I’ve come to a point that I used to think people should at least work and put in effort to be part of my life. But then I realized that in all honesty, it is a bullshit. That nobody honestly owes you that. 

And you have to own yourself up to it. 

I have been in and out of getting to know people and wanting more out of the horizons. Always expecting more, always asking and demanding more. The 25 year old me would have never stopped at just being good enough, because truthfully, I would have wanted more in this lifetime. And that was honestly, by far, the BIGGEST mistake, anybody could have ever done. 

Then, came you. I have wrote about a lot of people. People who I’ve cherished and later lost. People who, at a point of my lifetime, I thought were going to be there forever. But the thing that I was never mentally prepared was that, I, Raveenaa screws up too. I’ve had flaws and I’ve had mistakes. Things that I’m not proud of, but would I revert in time to change them? To hell I won’t. But that’s the thing about being a vocal and yet indecisive person like me. I've always been a firm believer that things should stay in the past because they belong there, so why bother?

When I lost a very important figure in my life to death, and then another person, to another girl, and another guy to another life circumstances, 

I find it crazy. I found it so hard to cope. Because how could people turn just overnight, right? But then I often forget. That, even for the tiniest bits 

of reason, feelings fades and the weather changes too. What was I thinking when I thought people would have remained the same? 

AND THEN, CAME YOU. 

This was a person, who if I could honestly laid it down for you, would have never been the top of my list. He sucks at good morning texts. He sucks at being romantic and above everything else, he loathes taking photographs. 

Of all the flaws that this person own, this was also the one person, who is always there. Ya allah ya rabbi. If I could have had an amazing day in court, this is the one person who I sits and talks to after. If I had a terrible day in office and wants to cry it off, this is also the one person I get to bombard it with. And I am eternally grateful for blessings like this in life. 

My mother used to tell me to always count your blessings, and that the best people in life comes free to us. Well, that’s how she met dad. 

But to have the one person who motivates me to do better. 

To always sabar because patience is half of your iman. 

And above everything else, to always know the right things to say to me. 

I cannot thank you enough. Honestly. 

So this is me, telling you that I want to pursue my studies. 

That, I want to be able to do what I can do. 

But better, bigger. That I know there is a part of me who will whine like 

a little girl, but at the end of the day, I will complete this. And when I do,

 we would all be as equally astounded by the sound of this. 

Because, if a Chindian mixed girl from Cheras could do it, then so do you. 

Signing off because I gotta go tell you I’ve wrote about you :)