I Guess I Never Did Have ANY Answers :'X

But you make me wanna act like a girl. 
Paint my nails and wear high heels  ♥
Yeah you, make me so nervous ; 
That I just can’t hold your hand.

Dearest blog readers ;
We meet once again. Well not to lie but I've got to say I am tremendously sorry for neglecting my blog again. How long has it been? A month or so right? But the main thing is ; I just wanna say sorry like for being away for a little while.

Find people who do not make you feel alone :3
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
Truth is ; I've been thinking. I've been doing lotsa thinking lately and one of it was to actually quit the idea of blogging anymore. I mean ; lets face it. I am exhausted. Of life and of people. Honestly ; I feel like I am a mess and I really fear of putting other people's life ahead of mine anymore cause I am just sick of it. I really do. Plus, it sincerely freaks me out to like sit and stone a little while to actually have a grip of ideas of what to be said and what not to be said on my blog. The ugly truth is that I do not understand why do society even need to judge? I mean ; why can't I be allowed to say whatever I want. Whatever I feel. Whatever I think. Sincerely ; it sucks.

"There are people who forgets how it feels like to be
 sixteen when they turn seventeen".
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
Okay, lets not take things any further. Lets not be a hypocrite and lie the reason why am I here thou. I've been alone. I mean it is a metaphor. But I've really been alone. In a crowded place and I don't know what to do. Cause things would just never be the same anymore. Of all the things I could worry and think of in life ; I chose to put myself through this again. To make myself feel so worthless and useless. Funny side is I don't know what to feel anymore. It feels as if I am bulletproof. It feels numb. It feels as if nothing matters anymore. Like if I were to be away from people for a while, no one even cares anymore. Like no one ever did. On a serious note, it makes me wonder. Like if I were to get married someday ; would you even make the effore to come to my wedding? Or if I were to run away alone ; would you be the one who stays through it all? Or even if I were fated to leave someday would you even care to call or even put in the effort to find me? The truth is ; I don't know. Well, people could have asked me about us two months ago and I dare say I would say that you were one of the few fine things that ever happened to me in life. But today? I am not certain. Everything seems to be tumbling down the road. Everything seems to be a tragic. Every single thing I am involved in is a mess and every single detail seems to be trudging downhill. 
The worst of all, you are not here with me. 

"She (Aunt Helen) was my favourite person 
in the world until I met you. Charlie to Sam".
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
The worst feeling of it all is that it had always been us. Us against the world. The two of us. And then today ; when I woke up. I find myself all alone. Like I am literally nothing. Like I don't matter anymore. And this feeling sucks. No, honestly it kills. Cause I've been better. You've been better and we've been better. I've always asked you this like what am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you? What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay? The weird part is that ; there seems to be no option for me. Seems like all doors shut down and there are no way for me to escape nor run. Like I can't cry, I can't face a nervous breakdown. I couldn't have a paranoid attack. I can't undergo an emotion problems and all I am left with is to be strong. Like to show I don't give a damn when all it does is kill me from deep within you know. Like it eats me up. You know ; everyone is freaking right. The adults used to tell me a lot. To never make a best friend your everything ; cause you are none blood related and they do craps behind your back. Just when I thought you were different ; you prove me wrong and showed me every single person out there is just the same. And they were placed there in life for a motive ; for a reason and they were machines that were created to kill me. 
To stab all these feelings away.

"Both Charlie and Sam kissed and they hugged each other. They held each other in arms length for a little while". 
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower- 
Best friends? Honestly, tell me. What is the meaning of best friends? What do you define best friends as? Is it someone who you loathe and he ended up being your best friend? Someone who shares the same hobbies? Same taste in music and passion with? Or someone who in a blink of an eye became close to you? Or rather someone who you never expect meeting in life and then you both ended up being so so close and promised the word 'forever'. Flip to a dictionary and you can see the term best friends are defined as close people who surrounds you who are non-blood related yet you create a bond together. And that bond is called ; 
FRIENDSHIP.

 "I do not write poetry ; poetry writes me". 
-Craig (Sam's ex boyfriend) to Alexis (Patrick's date to the prom)-
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
However, in my dictionary I precisely believe that besties are the ones who come running whenever you needed them. They are the ones who you can rely your trust on and they are also the ones who you are capable of looking through your soul, beneath all your fake smiles and know you are NOT alright. Sincerely, what made things worst? I've never experience such loneliness in this family like what I am going through right now. It seems every single door is shutting down on me and I feel like there is no way out despite having so many wonderful also amazing people around me. Truthfully, it hurts. It hurts even more when we both literally stopped talking and we totally stopped making eye-contact anymore. It made me feel as if we are total strangers again. Like, we have never met each other in life before. You see, the worst of it all? I feel even more lonelier these days compared to the days when I newly joined the family.

"Is to be able to look at a person and 

know everything's gonna be okay ; Charlie".

-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-

Well, many people that I know don't seem to understand me that well, I suppose. But who is there to be blame when I myself is an emotional freak. I don't seem to understand. Or rather I choose to say I rather don't seem to WANT to understand that this is the main issue with me. That I just loathe burdening people with my problems and that I should not complain to others about what's happening in life and I think it sucks to be people who had to be my punching bag. Cause' I sincerely apologize for having people to deal with me despite they themselves face shits and handle issues they have to deal with in their lives as well.

"We accept the love that we think we deserve". 
-Stephen Chbosky-
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower :3
I have never been this open to people before till' I met you. Like I had just never literally tell someone everything and anything about myself till I found you last year and I sincerely think the main problem with us both is that we are too emotionally attached to each other. Not to blame, but I dare stand before you and say you've changed. You've changed into somebody I don't even know. Seems like I don't even know this new you. What make matters even worst than it already is? We run. We run from each other. It sincerely kills me when I myself know that it isn't suppose to end like this. It just isn't right.

"Why do I, and everyone I love, pick people 
who treats us like we’re nothing?" 
Charlie to Mr. Anderson ; English Teacher.
(The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
Well, what had we ever promised each other on your birth date? To never shut the other party down. To NEVER ever do that. What happened to that? What happened to us? To go to each other and yell all feelings and unhappiness out? To spray all shits out? What happened to that thou? To table talk all matters out. What are these man? Bullcraps? Where did all our words died to? What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them? All I've ever wanted, was for you to just stay and not walk off. TO JUST BE HERE, YOU KNOW :'[

High school is even worse than middle school.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
Why did I literally shut you down? Why did I keep walking the walk? It started because of just a god - damned result slip. A fooking result slip that I should have insisted on checking on my own man. Like now that I think about it again, screw all these feelings aside man. For real thou. Lets not be a hypocrite and fake. I was truly excited. I was really happy. I really was happy at the idea of checking my first semester result with you after putting so much effort into exams last year and all those dope ass hardwork, I think I did pretty well cause I think ; just I myself knew how much time spent on books to study last year when I compare them to my current semester? Plain hopeless thou. I just know. Plus ; I recalled telling you how anxious I was and how relieved flushed through me when you stopped me from doing it myself. 

I am here. And I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
You offered and told me only check my results together with you in school itself the following day. I said yes without thinking twice cause' I've always believe at this thought that you were like this brother of mine who brings good luck charm cause truthfully, I really was happy when you said ; "No, Raveenaa. We are gonna check the results together the next day in school. Now go to bed". And being such a dumb - founded person ; I agreed. And the very next day ; shit happened. And I would call it everything went down into the drain. I remembered not seeing you throughout the entire day till' after school and I was at my locker and you were rushing off somewhere and I didn't even made the effort to stop you. I caught a glimpse of you and I waited. I honestly waited until five in the evening with no lunch. Nothing. And I remember screaming in my head saying go fucking eat something before gastric strikes again and I waited like a pathetic little girl for her Santa Claus to appear and I remember exactly that I waited for you to view the results and to go celebrate the first semester results with you. 
That was how confident I was of myself, you know.

We were just there together. And that was enough.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
And I waited. I waited forever until I saw the clock struck five in the evening. I watch three hours past. One hour by the other. And I seriously had no clue where were you. Like which part of the Earth were you in and all I did was waited in the room. I guess it was all fate that when 1700 hours came, I walked to the washroom and you came down into the room, took your bag and left. You know what crushed me down the most? That we didn't met. Nah, scratch that I would say. What killed me was my school bag was placed directly beside yours and you could just leave a note and go you know :X Like seriously. I was so pissed at myself for leaving at the wrong timing and have you back at the exact moment when I wasn't in. 

You see things. You understand. You’re a wallflower.
-Patrick to Charlie-
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
That night you told me why you couldn't be there and sincerely I don't blame you on a single bit. Instead I blame myself. For rejecting all my classmates when they offered my results with me. For turning all my best girlfriends away when they decided to run to the office to get my identification number for the result. To push all teachers away from letting me know. For going home that night and scream into everyone's face when they asked how did I do. Funny side is ; I never did check the result you know. I only found out about them the following day when I went to school and my General Knowledge teacher came to congratulate me. It seems like she viewed my results and she told me that I achieved what I wanted. Truth to be told ; till' today ; I haven't even see that slip you know. So like yeah :] 

“Why should other people get to be happy all the time?
We could be those people.”
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
I think that when you matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies and no broken promises you see. You have no idea what you meant and that event you organised earlier this year? Hahaha. I remember running up and down school stairs to just make sure everything was alright. To put me as the Guard Of Honor Head was hell especially when it was Trials week. To have me brief every girl almost everyday to make sure everything was perfect. To ensure everything and everyone know what to do. You had no clue as to how I had to sit and talk to certain freaks for help to come for the event. To help out with everything cause I know  we couldn't do much if there's a little of us. To be typing craps for everyone cause I wanted to make sure everything was in place. To ask people to stay. Sorry not ask. To actually beg almost on my knees for people to just be able to be there for the event. 
To at least stay till' five in the evening cause 
that girls' changing room was a hellish job. 

We can’t choose who will love us. 
But we can choose who to love.
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
You had no idea how much my ushers and my girls had to miss the performance just to make sure every guest know the place for refreshments. You had no freaking idea how long I stayed just to paste crappy stickers on the floor all the way from the hall to the canteen just so the ushers and Guard Of Honor would know where to stand. And it is even crazier to be facing mood swings and exams altogether and having no help offered isn't it? And I was really shy to ask probates to even help after all that they have done. You just had no clue. That is like the tiniest thing I could mention. Nobody did ever tell you that midnight I called your buddy to offer help to decorate hall and to close up the girls room. I offered my girls help when they could be leaning back and relaxing plus stressing over exams yet they came to help :'] They came to help bro :'] 

And I swear ; in this moment. We Are Infinite.
The Perks Of Being A Wallflower :3
Things might seem small to you but it was a great deal to me. Did you even know? I made all the girls go home that day after school to shower ; put on perfume ; put on make-up and their best smile so we could look good that day? Do you know that? That I dragged my best girl friend and went out of school to go shower and I was having lunch when you called and the food was being served in front of my eyes. Then you called and told me that the changing room wasn't done yet I literally put the spoon and fork down ; held my best girl friend's hand and ran. We ran back to school and honestly ; my lunch for that day. A plate of fried rice costed seven bucks gone. It was served and I left that place with her. We bolted back to school and I ran up all the way four floors up to help. When no one else did care ; I was there. You know what is the part that got me cackling until today? That why did I ever do that? Like why would I even wanna rush all the way back there when I know for a fact that if anything goes wrong on that day, troubles were on you. I ran across streets like a mad woman for you bolting back to school. Helped when no one else did. After all this, I don't even deserve a thank you ; do I? :'/ And all I've ever wanted again ; was for you to just be happpy. 
To just stay and be there. Yet, did you? 

We can't choose where we come from ;
but we can choose to go from there.
-Psychologist Doctor to Charlie-
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
When someone talks about their problem, it doesn't just mean they are complaining. It just simply means they trust you enough to tell you. Hahahah, oh really? Funny as fook. I forgot. When I was being yelled at by a teacher in front of Ground Duty. That Chapel morning. That incident. When she shouted at me where I was busy planning with the sub -committee head as to what to do for your event. I made her wait. She got really angry and blasted. I went to apologize after chapel and got even worst than that from her. In the staff room. In front of everyone. I walked out of the staff room ; no I dragged myself out of that place crying as if somebody died. 

"You can't just sit there and put everyone's life 
ahead of yours and think that counts as love".
Sam to Charlie in The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.
My two girls. Wye Kei was just there ; she saw me and she hugged me and tell me to just shake it off me that everything is gonna be alright. Yvonne ; who for the first time seeing me breaking down into pieces like that ran up and down the Hinch block building looking for Room Committee Head to get me tissue papers. Teacher's Day Head who I don't even certify as best friend could come and sit and crack a joke saying seniors used to get worst than this. Yeups making me cried even harder for being the first female who made her blew up. My corsage committee head could come and keep asking me whether am I alright? To tell me everything is gonna be okay. Annual clean-up head ; who could come to me and ask me to stop crying and he'll bring me out to lunch after school. Every other Form Four kid I could think of ; came and show their care and concerns. Asking what happened to me. They asked me how am I holding up. I remember after recess walking into canteen only to have three teachers stopped me and asked me whether am I okay?

A great word ; Milkshake. 
Here's to the greatest milkshake in the world. 
-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-
I have always wanted to ask you this one question. Only this question. Where were you when all of these happen? Like I can't even deal with this in the real life. I kept playing the incident over and over again in my head and all I am getting is negative thoughts in my brain. Like where were you when all shits happened? Where were your promises to be just by my side when everything is trudging towards downfall? Most of all ; where were you when the world was against me. You went missing. Maybe my guts were right. You never did care. I never did matter anyways. Why be there when all your life you've never even bother about me for a single bit? Why acted as if I matter. For once. I thought I was important till' you proved me I was wrong again. Why am I so so dumb to stand against everyone for you? Whether it is a teacher ; 
I stood up for you. Kills me to say this but I was there for you. 

"Cause I want to make sure that the first person who kisses you ; loves you ; okay?"
Sam to Charlie. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower.
Shits you don't even know. How much I ran and I talked and I pleaded and I stood by your side and tell teacher that you were just stuck. Between work and family. Between us and family. Stood up for you against my own work team or better known my own executive committees cause I told them you are just facing too much things in life. You have just no single clue how I felt when I had to hear things about the little brother of yours from everyone else and not you. Even your kor kor came to tell me. Not even you. It felt like a direct slap into my own face like why am I even there for a reason. Like you should have even come to me despite we're not talking and stuffs but it felt as if you had better people to talk to and not me. Like my opinion didn't matter at all. Like my world was filled with freaking strangers for a moment 
cause even my own best guy friend 
couldn't come to me to talk and sort things out. 
Stupid things I do ; I do it for you. 

In the language of love ; mixtapes are the slang.

-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower-

You may all call me a dreamer. But I guess I am just done being sad you see. Funny how things turned inside out. The thing is ; I think it is only fair if the term Best Guy Friend is opened to one and only girl. You see in friendship I messed things up. I know I do. But then at the same time ; where had the time gone? It is all lost now. I lose. You won. Fate won over us. Why is it fair to be hearing everyone else calling you their BGF? What was it that I ever did to deserve seeing all these. Yeah I am selfish I know I am. But why am I stuck man? I am just stuck in the middle when I could have just move on now. There is something about you. Every single time I look at you now it kills. My heart kills. There is just some part of me that knew it should not ended like this and we are better than this :/ 

That one moment ; when you know you're 

NOT a sad story ; but you're alive.

-The Perks Of Being A Wallflower- 

There were no more good lucks from you during exams and there were no longer you being here for me huh. And I guess I should learn to pick myself up. To stop crying to just be okay again. To just be FINE. Cause I know I can do it. And just stop caring about me. Just stop. I never wanted you to ask about me anymore and just stop asking another best friend to look after me. And just stop saying that I have a new best guy friend now replacing you cause the stupid ugly truth is that no one can ever replace you. Just. No. One. So just stop caring about me nor my results. Just act as if you no longer know me. Just kill me off cause it is better this way, cause everyone around me assume you've found someone better and I wish you luck I swear I do. Funny of all things I miss ; I could only miss the laughter we had. THAT ONE HUG OF YOURS which always cause me feel okay again. And that hug can only come from you :/ Weird as fuck. That secure feeling whilst hugging you telling me everything is gonna be fine cause you are here. That you are beside me. That I have a shoulder to lean on and cry.  Weird how much I missed everything. That car park emotional break down sessions. You're fine now. You're happy and that was what I've always wanted. You being happy. 

Your happiness is all that's matter. 

Same Love :'(

Telematch. 

And I clearly think it upsets me to be struck in this chord. I hate to be in this state of mind. To be stuck on stupid. I mean, how is it fair? How is it even fair? Someone who moans so so much to you and all of a sudden he is a stranger today? I mean, come on! We used to be best pals and 

we went through so much together already. 

How can you ever had the heart to walk off? 

That is one point I never did understood. 

From day one till' today, I was there through it all. I was and I will always be. Why must you opt to leave then? Cause you always think I am happier off this way without you? Well, the ugly truth is that I am not. And that I fairly think ; I am only happy when you WERE by my side. I want you through all of this. I want you here. Why did you choose to leave? Not once, not twice? Why? The question is just why? I just can't take this anymore. I don't want. I cannot. 

I may have my ego but then again, I have a heart too. And I think that it is only fair to tell it all out to you. To finally let you know everything. I think it is better off this way. To finally let you go. Go ahead do whatever. I am exhausted. For putting me through all this. 

All and all, everyone was right. You are not healthy and I should stay away. Thank you so much for walking off. Thank you for showing me that no friendship lasts forever. Thank you for showing how much we are both worth. I will survive, I will prove you wrong. I will be super successful and that is the day I'll come back. Steady and strong. Time to go, now. It is time to move on and be who I am. I just don't belong here, I hope you understand. There might be a place in this world someday, but at least

 for now. I gotta go my own way. 

Say something I'm giving up on you. 

Nothing good ever last anyways. 

Deleting everything for once and for all.

Deleting you off for once and for all. 

I am no longer tired, I am just done.

One hour and fifteen minutes ;
Just Hold On ; 

We're Going Home

Drake <3 

Hallucinate. Graduating.

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend. Someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is forever friendship. When you're down and the world seems dark and empty, your forever friend lifts you up in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your forever friend gets you through the hard times, the sad times and the confused times. If you turn and walk away, your forever friend follows. If you lose your way, your forever friend guides you and cheers you on. Your forever friend hold your hand and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend, you feel happy and 

complete because you need not worry.

 You have a forever friend, and forever has no end.

Lets face it, we've changed, we've all changed. Somewhere between summer ending and school starting, we've all gone our own directions. Hearts were broken, friendships were diminished, and new loves started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time together in our circle of friends; we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. Some of us are finding love while some of us are trying to let go. Even though we've changed we all know that even though we are all finding our own place in the world that when we find love, let go of a love, or when the tears fall, or a smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens nothing will change so much that we are all not friends forever.

Look, I am sorry. 

I am sorry for bothering you. I am sorry for all the texts I send you. I am sorry for talking to you the second you get online. I am sorry I keep asking if you're free to hang out. I am sorry I ask random questions. I am sorry that I ask about your life. I am sorry that I'm a bother to you. I am sorry that I always recite all those silly friendship quotes. But here's the truth. I am not sorry for any of those things ; I only did it because you are my friend. What I am really sorry for is that you don't realize how much our friendship means to me. I am sorry that I have a deep worry that this friendship won't last much longer. I am sorry I wanted to talk to you. I am sorry I wanted to get your opinions and advice on things. I am sorry I wanted to hang out with you. I just thought that is what friends did. I am sorry I was willing to do anything to get your attention. I didn't know being friends was too much to ask from you. I am sorry that I am now left with only memories of what used to be. Please do me one favor, when you see the tears gently falling down my cheeks, don't try to comfort me. I don't need a reminder of how I could always tell you everything, how you'd sit by me and just hold me while I cried. So please, if this is over, then lets just say our goodbyes and walk away and not look back, because I cant believe that a friendship I once held so dear to my heart is now fading to nothing. 

Now that is really what I am sorry for.

I miss you.

I miss the words you used to say. I miss the way you used to greet me in the hallways with that smile, and I would just blush and walk away.

I miss the texts you used to send me, making me smile, and making my life a little bit more happier.

You knew everything about me. It was just so easy to tell you everything, without getting judged.

I miss the nicknames, the sayings we had , and all the small little things you would do.

You always made me laugh, smile, and love you even more. You always knew when i was mad, upset or sad, and were always there. 

I miss the compliments, the facebook obsessions, but most of all, I miss the, "I love you."

I miss the advice. I could talk to you about anything, anywhere, anytime. We were so close.

I miss hanging out with you. I even miss the small things I used to hate about you. 

You told me you would never leave, we would always be best friends, and that you could never replace me. 

.. yeah well, you lied.

To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again.

Maybe not all friendships have to be saved. 

Maybe we're just meant to spend a certain part of our lives with certain people and then move on :'X

-Raveenaa-

9 DAYS TO LEAVING SCHOOL. LETS DO THIS FREAKOS <3

LETS PUT UP A KILLER GRADUATION SPEECH RAV :]

Roar.

It took me so long to move on and I did, 
I was happy but you came back and fucked it all up again :/
-Wonderhush-

So, hello readers. Welcome back. 

Well, I challenged myself to actually lock myself up in my room and get this post done with and then I would actually leave this seat of mine.

So, where do I begin? So last midnight ; a close guy friend of mine, Willis decided to tweet me and ask me out for a steamboat reunion thou. I thought better to actually ask him instead of going for steamboat for dinner, I thought I might as well bring him for dinner near my fave vegetarian restaurant, Tian Yian Cafe in Miharja and besides, I thought better that we could also kill two birds with one stone. It had been so so long I've been wanting to go to the night market in Miharja for the food and snacks there thou but I never seem to be getting the opportunity to do so :/ Sighs.

So today, I woke up to the worst nightmare any mankind creature can ever ask for thou. In that dream, everyone around me was dead. I could see everyone lying on the ground and dead. Either stabbed or shot to death. There were bodies lying everywhere and before I could scrutinize properly and realized, those warm dead bodies around me were all of people I love. Family, close friends, best friends, enemies. Everyone around me. I could see everyone's pale face and when I look down to myself, I saw myself smeared and covered with blood and I woke up. Then, I woke up screaming at three in the afternoon and ran downstairs. I ran and I bumped into my older brother and I thank God he was just home on that day when I needed him. He was having lunch when I suddenly break into tiny sobs and he just calmed myself down. He then later told me to go get myself showered up and he actually bought me lunch and with drinks.  Made my day by pampering me.

Later that afternoon, I texted Willis asking if the plan was still on and he told me that there would be the four of us if we wants to go Pandan Indah for steamboat however if we opt for night market then Navinesh ; one of my best pal as well, might not be able to make it thou. So as the usual, I was so enthusiastic considering I have not seen him for this past two weeks of holidays so I said okay, lets do this shit and I decided to meet Willis and one of my  lovelies, Yii Meng at six in the evening at Maluri and we would travel to Pandan Indah by train.

So, I decided to take a moment to dress up and I threw on a skirt and I hop on a bus at sharp five hoping I would not be late. Thus, I met them two lovelies, Willis and Yii Meng then we travelled to Pandan Indah by train and we walked over to Navinesh's place. Now meeting Navinesh was one thing, but the main thing was we walked over to this one steamboat restaurant. I forgot what was it called and all I could remember was it was located next to the Maybank thou. It is call Pandan Indah Steamboat if I am not wrong thou.

Thus, eating mission begins and we laughed and we chatted and we drank and we cheers and we screamed and we shout and of course nevertheless, we took photos. Here are some photos we took in the restaurant thou. So, after almost two hours of eating ; we called for the bill and it costed RM 116 meaning RM 29 per pax. We paid and we left for desserts directly behind the steamboat shop. Now, don't get me wrong but we were so full thus we made Keng Kwan order this dessert. It was called, mango sago tau foo fa. We sat and we took ever more photos than ever. Here you are :] A picture of the dessert and pictures of us three spamming Willis's beloved Samsung Three phone as usual.

After desserts we walked Navinesh back to his condo and we decided to drop by to say hi to his family. We went over his house and talked even more in his room. I finally met his dad and he was such a nice person thou :] So, we spoke about our year end trip thinking about ditching the Langkawi plan for some more private place for us to know. Heh. So we chat and before we realized it ; the clock struck ten and I screamed that I needed to go home or 
else I might not have transport home.

Navinesh being the utter sweet one decided to ask his dad to drop the three of us awesome freaks at the train station considering it was already too late and too dark plus dangerous for us to walk anyways. His dad dropped us off and we bid goodbyes. It was then when it struck me hard that my older brother was out on a date for The Conjuring in Pavillion and I remember clearly that he drove. So I decided to give him a call to ask him to fetch me back and he agreed. Had to like literally called him for about eleven times and texted him twice to only realize he was in cinema and thus he couldn't answer my calls :(

He told me his movie was about to finish around 2330hours and when the three of us peeked into our watches, the time showed it was already 2300 hours anyways. So we went all the way to Bukit Bintang and we called this buttocks, Wilson, out for a late night yumcha session at the mamak stall near his place :] Along the way, I had to freak Yii Meng out for advices and he did give me a great heart to heart talk thou and I appreciate it so so much :'] He came out and we had a long drama talk about working life and we bid our goodbyes after that considering older brother gave me a call he was waiting for me at the 
boarding walk in Times Square.

Gave them three freaks hugs and we said goodbyes and we left. Walked through IPK and the for the first time ever in my nineteen year old life, I felt the road was so eeriely quiet. I walked down towards Pudu Jail and there was no one there and it was already midnight. I crossed the road and started dancing my way through considering I took out my phone and I started playing Roar by Katy Perry and I hopped plus skipped and danced my way through to my older brother. It was then when I realize there was a freaking foreigner dude who was wearing all black waiting and running after me. He was walking so fast and my heart skipped a beat. I paused the song on my playlist and I took off my shoes. And I ran. I ran for my life half thinking if this man is going to attack me. I am going to scream.

I ran in my skirt towards Times Square and can you believe that god damn road? It was empty! Like freaking empty and thus the whole time, I was just thinking about my older brother and when I saw his car, relieve flushed through all over me and I hugged him and hung on to him for dear life. And heh, he scolded me. He said who does that? Which girl runs in a skirt like that and he nagged me about being a fine young lady and sort. I decided to keep the story to myself considering I need not want him to worry but he did asked me thou, why didn't I wait at the Hang Tuah lrt station anyways and why did I wanted to walk all the way to meet him in Times Square? 
Good question , bro.

All in all, to wrap this day up. I had a good day. Like a real good one and I had so much fun. It was so nice to go for a mini reunion like this and to catch up? I did realize something thou, I did stop thinking for a little while. Maybe that is exactly what I need. Time off with my besties to stop all this emotional nonsense messed up mind. So, time to stop slacking and to begin with my holiday homeworks already. I got to really bust my ass up for this week if I really do wanna be in PESS IU this Saturday. Got to make my god darn self realize that I've been going out too too much, way too much for this two weeks of holidays and it is time to finally settle down and start my assignments now and get all this over with.
 Focus Raveenaa, focus!

He sent this to me before whilst clearing off text messages I saw this ;
"Hey, thank you so much for today. You made me realized something that I should have realize sooner. Thank you so much for everything that
 you've done for me".

And exactly at moment like these I would be all messed up thinking about reasons why we have argued for so many times. At moments like these I would torment myself trying to figure you out. At hour like these I wonder if things would really work out? Would things ever be the same? Would things never be awkward again? Would you really be there for me forever and more? Can we just go back? When things were so much more simpler back then. And I get it, that people do mess things up. That we mess things up. But just don't let one beautiful thing ruin everything. Do you miss me like I missed you? I feel like I'm choking myself you know. I feel like I am walking towards a dead end. Everything felt like it is shutting its way down on me and all I am ever getting is never a reason why. Without you, there isn't a point of me. Am I really gambling everything upright? Am I gambling this friendship upfront? I don't know :( I really don't. If there is one thing I could say, I feel miserable, without you. It almost feels like you're here but you're not here to watch me shine and grow. I just want you to realize that you've impact me this much in life and your footprints just wouldn't leave this soul. I want you to be aware of that. I guess, you're better off without me and all I ever wanted to see, was to see you smiling. 
Was your ever longing happiness.

Speaking of which ; today remarks the music history. Music emergency thou. Katy Perry released her Roar thirteen hours ago and Lady Gaga released her Appaluse eight days earlier as the songs were already leaked. Lets just wait and see who wins number one for the next billboard okay :] May the best lady wins <3

Like I said : Roar is catchy but 
Applause's beat is breathtaking.
Till then, adios lovers <3

HEART ATTACK 

DEMI LOVATO :]

Been up lately reading this, I think you followers should get this a copy each for yourself too thou! :]

Sometimes we have to shut people out of our lives, not because we want to, but because they hurt us so much, we have to.

-Safe Haven-