May, It Is You, Again.

Have you ever been so mad? Of course

everyone had been angry before in life, one

way or another, right? What I am trying to ask

you is that have you ever been so mad at somebody that you have no words to say to them? You have no mean or bad words to curse at them simply because of the love and concern you have for them? I am mad at myself, not you. 

I am mad for always being nice. I am mad for apologizing for things I didn't do. I am mad for getting attached to you. I am mad for thinking about you. But most of all, I am mad for not hating you, when 

I should. I am mad at myself, not you.

And yes, that is what I have for you.

I sincerely have no idea what is even wrong with the whole situation right now. Could you help explain a little to me? I got to grasp the whole situation in my head right now. I couldn't even understand the bigger picture. Why would you even play the hot and cold game with me? You could call me out one night and asked me to get a dinner date table. And the next thing I knew, when everything was set out on the table, you decided to just cut me off your life again.

Is this a form of punishment from you? Or is karma playing its game on us? Everyone around you came to tell me that you've been seeking around for me. You've been asking people around for me, were you? But why are your ego so high when you came to face me? Especially when it comes to things about me. What is it that the both of us cannot talk to upfront? What is it that we both cannot manage to solve? Everyone tells me that you're wonderful. I used to belive that too. I used to think that way. I thought it was true. But tonight, I am unsure of myself. I don't know what to believe. I am starting to think otherwise. I am beginning to doubt myself again.

It is like this. It works this way. You only let the boss know of your dad's passing and you expects him to be quiet about it. Of course, you knew that he would surely hunt me down and tell me about it. Well I know it is pretty disappointing and all at the very sole idea of me not having a direct phone and all. And that everyone had been trying their level best to contact me when they knew. But then again, what are social networks for then? What I don't understand is that what is with you and being so angry about it? It is not like I cut you off my life completely. You had always took a spot in my heart, and you would always be. That is the ugly truth. It is like you are always gonna have this permanent reservation in my heart. Which part of it all that don't you understand?

You knew I would always have a soft spot on things whenever it comes to you so you always took it slow. Tortured me on daily basis this way. You were indeed supposedly to be available last night. But you decided to stood me out. You stood me out for four hours. It wasn't like four minutes small matter, bro. It was freaking four hours long. Time may be alright for you to waste, but what I never did understood in this whole time was you did have the opportunity to tell me that you needed to be away for hours. That you needed time and space to be gone a while. I would have GLADLY grabbed a vampire novel and kept myself busy instead of gripping on dearly to the phone like it is my life or something, right? 

I waited and waited till I decided to give in. 

I finally deleted it off and then I settled to watch movie. My heart was beating so fast and loudly last night. My mind was racing. How would I know the fact that you would be sitting for a lecture class then? And you know what hurts the most? It was the best moment when I saw that you were available two hours ago. Tears streamed down my cheek. I am seriously speechless. I wondered what have I ever done to you that you are happily playing this tug-of-war game with me? Perhaps, you think I'm free, eh?

 Your best friend came to drag my hand away from the crowd yesterday. And the first thing he said to me that you are holding up and doing fine now. That he was worried about how would I be doing. Of course I had to put up a smile and tell him life is good and sort. But then again, I took a step back in life and wondered aloud to myself, what is life without you? Seriously. I am saying this probably because I adore, cherish and really love you as a family member. And I think that is the one part you clearly do not see at all. That you are so emotionless, heartless, feeling less and numb when it comes to matter of love. 

 

I was at home when your worker decided to drop by and came to see me last night. Despite being awaken for almost 48 hours, I managed to recognize the guy. Thank God I was decently dressed. The first thing that he asked me was that why did I decided to disappear off your life for decades and centuries. I know that you probably miss me as much as I miss you. But you seriously have no idea how much I miss you terribly. And the one thing you probably cannot understand right now is that I am busy seriously at this phase in life. Really. I am taken away by family issues and there are things I have to handle for now :(

Your worker even took the effort to told me that you saw him this morning. The first question you decided to ask him was how is she doing. And your worker was so blur thinking in his mind which "she" you were mentioning until you had to blurt out my name then only he manages to figure things out. I wondered what took you so hard to pronounce the name, Raveenaa. I wondered why you can even consider thinking making up your mind that I moved away from you. That I have changed and all that when the both of us had been talking, texting and calling plus chatting all these while. I wondered why did you said that. I wondered why you never did tell your worker that we have been keeping in touch. Probably due to the fact that you are ashamed of me? I know it had been a year long, but I don't remember even once at all that we never moved away from each other. To be honest, I had always kept you close to my heart. 

It is alright. It is okay. So don't you bother what I do. I wouldn't be okay without you but I would be alright. I would survive anyways. I have no option when being strong seems to be my one and only choice left. I would get all of these done since I've started them so I shall pass them all to your worker and get him to give it to you on my behalf. Hope you like it that way then. But up until now this moment, I can only pretty much guessed last night gave me the right answer. That I can, only come to one conclusion in the end.

That, You Have Changed. 

 

The Club Can't Even Handle Me Right Now ;

Flo. Rida feat. David Guetta. 

1 Hour 45 Minutes.

Rav ; xoxo <3

The Colour Pink is Unconditional Love and Nurturing.

We loved with a love that was more than love.

The number one reason that humans like 

photographs is for the memories they evoke.

 That said, it is also much more complex 

than that because of the nature of our 

emotional relationships with the 

subjects of  our photographs.

In simple words, Raveenaa says,

I love photographs because people 

don't change in them :)

So spent the public holiday going shopping for shoes with mum. I am that capable for spending just 300 bucks like water into the drain just for two pair of new shoes for the New Years itself. Finally bought myself my first pair of Alain Delon Woman's 

leather boots and a pair of pink flats. 

Mum wanted me to get this another pair of  black flats because she thinks it is nicer and prettier than the pink I bought in the end but then I was thinking like I own this two pair of red and black flats at home so why buy another pair of black flats some more, right? In the end I saw another Malay lady getting 

the black one that mummy chose for her. Heh. 

Now the point of this post was that nothing to do with these shoes but to mention that I saw you. Yeah today there. And I knew you saw me too. But I knew very well that our family would never give us both the green light to be together so why would we even bother wasting our time on each other? Right?

 I knew you had your eyes fixed on me. But with all these family feuds around us, what can the both of us do? I really wanted to run to you and hug you so tightly and just shut off the world a while but I could not. I knew that look in your eyes as well and I loathe the way you think that my older brother is mine. What am I to do when you are born younger than me? 

What am I to do when I knew you would get bored of me so easily if I had not been this mysterious to you. I really do wanna let my hair down and let you know me but once again, who am I? I saw her standing there with you. I seem not to have that choice but to walk away do I? I am saying all these I cannot 

turn back time can I? I walked off you didn't I? 

I had a choice but all I did was to wave a sad smile to you. I smiled but I saw the way she looked at you. That look of love she had for you, I cannot take that away from her no matter whatever you feel for me. I just cannot be so selfish to snatch you away. So seem like the only choice left for me was to

 be a heartbreaker and I am sorry. 

I am tremendously sorry for today. I knew you would never forgive me for everything I have done but I would really much rather it be this way. Let me be the bad guy. It is okay. Once, a junior once told me that the day I finally have my first boyfriend ; do let them know because they would wanna marry him as he would DEFINITELY be perfect. Adding to that, it was mentioned that I attract amazing people. 

The question is would I? Dear Mr. Right I have no idea when you would show but I know you are taking up so much time to find your way to me cause we wouldn't part ways anymore after that. But I know that the Big Man up there would put you through tough times to find and crawl your way to me. Sometimes I do wonder if I have met the one guy I am about to marry thou. But then if I do, am I ready and willing to give up all these freedom already? Am I ready to let go this single life? I fear I would never settle down for one person. I am scared for not being able to commit. I have no idea how to love nor being loved back. 

Scratch that, all I know is I am happy right now being single and had always been. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, I don't think I'll ever find someone who would change my last name or my status. Considering my life style and the way I spend my cash? The way I love this part about me most. The idea that you have to keep up with all my stories, my dramas, my everything? To share my whole family. To finally accept my past? To receive me and to make me a better person. Would you? I doubt I would ever find you honestly. If I ever did found you, please remind me to let you read this thou. If I never 

did then good for everyone, I guess? Heh.

Ended up spending my day watching another Hindi movie, Chennai Express starring Shah Rukh Khan and Deepika Padukone. Not really a big fan of her. Never am and never will. Her acting just bores me thou most of my friends are head over heels for her. I would rate this movie 7/10 simply because the ending was just so perfect where the main actor fought for her and said the main sole reason was because 

HE LOVES HER. 

And I started crying so hard and was so touched. After all the songs weren't as good as Aashiqui 2 nor Dhoom 3 but I really love certain songs from this movie. The 1, 2, 3, 4 Get On The Dance Floor, Titli, Teraa Rasta Chhoddon Na and Lungi Dance were so good but I would highly recommend this one song, that I fell in love with ; it is titled Kashmir Main, Tu Kanyakumari which means I am Kashmir and you are Kanyakumari. Here is a video of the song followed by 

certain pictures from the movie heh :)

Kashmir Main, Tu Kanyakumari ; which means I am Kashmir and you are Kanyakumari. 

Everything is gonna be just fine :] -Sam and Cat

Been thinking of getting this hot air 

balloon necklace lately. So, should I? 

Or should I not? Do they look good to you? 

River Flows In You ;

Yiruma.