Paradox.

I want to be happy, but then, 
I think of all the things that makes me sad.

I put myself through all of these and then complains,
 why am I always so alone, sad and sappy?

It has been eighteen days long since my last post and tonight, I figure that I would sit and write this post up, because I am feeling all mixed emotions tonight. 
I am forced to sit through this meeting at this hour to draft a crappy letter, and all that is running through my mind, today, tonight, is time.

Of how people time can change any person on planet Earth. Of how time, is so precious that it is something that you cannot have it back. Your time is running out, Raveenaa. It is. Whether you like it or not. It had been    hours, days, let it be months long    
since we even sat and spoke properly.

I want to be able to hold you, exchange hugs and sit across you on a Wednesday, in a cafe, and watch us begin again. I miss you, I do. But how do you tell a
 person that you miss him who do not feel the same? 

But then again, why does it kills to know that you miss me too but this ego of yours just would not bring you to me? What is wrong with you? What is wrong with us?

Finals are so near but I have been playing. I have been dreaming so much. I wish you well in all that you wish to do. So much things to do, yet so little time. Teach me. Turn back time. Let me learn how to move on without you. Let me know how to I pick myself up 

and finish this marathon.

Take care of me. Do it from afar. Do it like how you used to do. You have been my Guardian Angel all these years, continue doing it. Just, please. Do all that makes you happy. Do it as long as it makes you comfortable. Thanks for showing me that all of these never meant anything to you. But then again, why do I expect so much out of persons who can never even be bothered?

Time, advice, lesson, I gave it all to you. I gave you the best that I could. But I was never good enough for you. Never being the one you could seek for help. Never could be the one that you turn to. You claim that I do not understand you. But then again, why do I try so hard to be someone that I am clearly not? 

How do I be good? How do I be the best in your eyes? How do I? Tell me what am I suppose to do to carry on this journey without you, somewhere down the road. How do I breathe and survive? You once told me that God knew exactly what He was doing, when He let me to you. Did He? Did He really?

You were right about one thing. That I would be okay. In the end, this life is mine. And if you don't wish to be a part of it, I have to be the one opening the front door and let you walk out of it instead of holding you back. You being successful is your priority and I wish you nothing but the best in this future undertakings of yours. I'll be fine. I'll be alright. That, I promise you. 

The one thing, that runs through my mind tonight,
you said this love is true. But is it really? 

Was it all just a lie?

Boy, I adore you.

Dissatisfaction.

And I thought that being strong 
means never losing your self control.

Hello, once again. Breathes. I am alive. Yes, your blogger is alive. Yes, freaking alive and to be honest I am feeling really rather boiling right now. And it is not that I am mad. But it is more to feeling sad. Rather than saying feeling sad, I would say I am filled with rage. And disappointments. Yes, that is the word. Disappointed. And I am really upset. Being upset at how some people's mind in this country works.

Now, I believe if you had really truly been reading what I have been posting on social networks lately, you would actually realize that my favourite artist is indeed in town. It was a great news to me. Although he is here to launch a new shopping mall. I am happy and glad that he is here to actually perform a few songs of his. Estimated to be four to five songs of his.

Now, here is the thing that I was really sad about. No, I don't come from a rich family you see. And I don't come from a background that everything I want, is a must have. Or anyone I need to meet, is a must to happen. Not all that happen in my daily life. Yes, it is true that it was indeed his second visit to Malaysia this year, on June 7th and since he was here last year, on my birthday, it was such a sad scenario because I only truly adored him beginning this year. So being this crazy fan girl, I do wanna be there for this event. 

To hold this event in Damansara is just plainly insane considering it is almost 40km away from where I am currently staying. But hey, no excuses right? I mean, I really do want to meet this guy. So here's the thing. I have no one to fetch me there on THAT particular morning. What other options do I have than to actually hail a cab there. And it is pretty insane on how much things I have gambled to put on the line to actually skip my classes, to actually put on pretty plus decent clothes and to go see him. But once again, I am not whining as I know that there are fans traveling there as well from Singapore and Indonesia. Those are really just die-hard fans man. Super hardcore that I am not. That I lose to.

Here's the list of things that I wanna talk about in this entire post. Although I did had fun during the showcase upfront, but here's a thing or two that I would like to comment on. Now, having to travel there without a Very Important Person (VIP) pass is saddening. It is a very sad case indeed. It was sad okay because it felt as if I am only gambling this through. That there was only a 50/50 chance to meet and greet the idol. VIP passes are passes that simply means the particular person who had won the ticket would either have a special seating or get to go backstage or they get to meet the particular idol. So it is a VIP passes is basically a pass that can help a person to actually be able to meet the idol really upfront during the showcase or backstage at concerts. So, there were numerous of competitions I've entered, yet I have no idea why I just never have the luck to win these little contest seriously. I never seem to strike once at all. You have no idea how many entries or forms I've written and personally sent to different agencies telling them how much I wanna meet this favourite idol of mine.

And it is pretty time consuming because I don't really recycle and send all the same answers, instead I come up with new fresh ones. So it involves really sitting down and heavy thinking skills. I really did brainstorm my way through. However, it is such a sore to the eye having people who actually won the contest form, yet, they decided to skip the event. Now, you must be wondering, how do I know? Like why do I bother so much? Of course I do. I have been on Twitter ( a social network site ) since the early of the day and it was such a sad thing to see when people who actually take photographs with the passes and skipping such events simply because reasons given were such as no transport, parents disapproval and there is one stating that it was her brother's birthday so she would have to skip the event. Just keep reading. I'll elaborate. 

I literally almost broke into screams and tears when I read things like that on social network. Number one, if you knew you had no transport to such a mall, why did you even bother taking part in the first place? Fine. Now that you've won, why didn't you pass that ticket to someone else, I mean at the very least, there are people who can attend to see him. People like me. And what even breaks my heart are people coming up with reasons like parents not allowing them to attend such showcase and sort simply because of that, they decided to skip. I have no idea how mean 
and selfish our people can be. 

My personal best girlfriend literally stopped her own blood brother from taking part in such a competition simply because she said, "It would be so bad to take up a spot when you, yourself know that no one in the family have got such time to send the brother to such an event". I mean, be logical, isn't that how a person's mind suppose to think and work? There was this one girl who had to skip the event simply because the event happened to be on her brother's birthday dinner. I am sorry, but hello? Do you happen to only know your brother on the event day? To only figure out that his birthday, falls on 7th of June? The day of the event? It is so depressing you know! When I see tickets goes to waste like that when there are people, people like ME who wants them tickets so badly. Can you believe such reasons were given by such people and citizens, no, they are demons, who and somehow, 
gave to skip attending the event? 
Hurts doesn't it?

Okay, part two, all that aside, what was even more sad was how some people actually acted on the day of the showcase. Now, I know it was a free event. You have no idea how much I wished I could have bought the tickets like how they would do in concerts with cash instead of depending on fate and luck though seriously. I'll give you an example what happened at the scene using two different scenarios 
to describe it to you, yeah? 

Have you ever been to a tuition centre? A public tuition centre. Or a library? Now, you see, I used to attend public tuition centres and it always sucks whenever the front rows in classes are always filled. Well they aren't filled with people exactly, but they are usually filled with textbooks, novels, bags, water bottles, umbrella, pencil case? Any sort of material you could think of. Now, the part that sucked the most would be when those usual latecomers ( like me ) who used to finish school late and I always rush to tuition centre sweating to only find front rows seats are always taken or booked by materials instead of human beings. And when stuffs like that happened, there are only back rows available. I really don't mind if they really reserve such places for their best friends or anyone who is about to come for tuition later on. However, the seats are always empty even until the end of the class. I mean, these people tend to place their school bag next to them throughout of the entire class as a claimed spot. I'm sorry but how is it not possible that such a big place, the particular ( tuition room ) are always so occupied? Always so pack! always so many people! I always wanted to ask people like these, I am sorry but does your school bag pays tuition fees too like the rest of us now? It annoys the hell out of me to be dealing with people like that you know? The same thing happen all the time in a public library too. 
The same exact scenario.

I mean, I wonder can't people be a little less selfish? I mean, just try practicing being a little selfless then. Try learning how to share out empty seats? Place them god darn materials in a bag and put them on the floor though. I mean, what problem is there, right? Why can't we ever practice the first come first serve basis the right way? Just because you are there early, it does not mean that the whole table belongs to you? How are we ever tgoing to learn to let go the greed and selfish feeling without wanting to learn to share things that doesn't even belong to us in the first place? How are we ever gonna improve in people's skills then? 
Learn all that things right and shove 
them up people's mind seriously.

Now, the two incidents and scenarios I've shared up there have pretty much described and explain how and what happened during the event. I suppose you readers don't need my explanation once more on that matter, do you? All and all, if you're a teenager age 13 and above, you should be able to think already. I mean think of everything I've said on this post and start being nice to people. I mean, I don't need you to kneel to people especially the elders. But start doing little things. Like, throw on a smile to a stranger. Or start giving smiles away. Stop being so cold seriously. Most of all, learn to share. I mean, we wouldn't live forever, right? So, there's no harm to learn to start being nice today to others, starting this moment right?

So, please readers, do make a difference from today onwards. Add it in to your new year resolution. Although it is already in June, half year gone, but remember it is better late than never. So, start being nice to others! Start learning to be healthy. Read this ;

I rest my case. Thank you. Bye! 

I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

                                                          

21:00p.m.

Five hours ;

Signing off ; Raveenaa <3