Sohneya, Sohneya...

It's been a week.

It's been a week you've returned back to work and to ship, 

and I am writing this reminiscing that a week ago, I was holding to my phone for dear life knowing you had boarded the flight leaving the country. 

There were so many unsaid words after the Batu Caves date but I thought 

I should write them down. Cause even if one day if I were to have amnesia, it is these words of mine that will remind me of how much I feel for you. Remind me about our story on nyaalum paalum (this debate I hold on first).

That Tuesday evening, you called me and told me that you've been called to report back to ship and in all honesty, I teared so much. I cried because 

I didn't expect 3 months to fly this quickly when you're with me. Never realize how much time I've took for granted till you had to leave again.

That Tuesday night you texted me saying you have a favour to ask and you asked if I was working tomorrow. I immediately called in to take an annual leave because knowing if I had been honest, you would have not let me see you before leaving. I almost cursed myself cause office damn busy.

That Wednesday morning I showered and put on my laziest sweater, 

drove 19 km to go see you. That morning, there you were. I don't 

want to go into details because these were memories I should hold on to. 

When I saw you walking out of that station, my heart skipped so much and we drove in that cold Wednesday morning towards the clinic. You wanted me to leave right after that, you refuse to have me stay with you despite knowing how much my eyes pleaded. After much debates in the car, 

I almost give up and said up to you only then you agreed and told me to park and come get you *who even fights with me*. We sat near Masjid Jamek Square and you taught me everything you remembered and knew. 

At that point, I just wanted to lean in and speak to you in languages that you could understand. But I witheld myself because I knew, I kept reminding myself that this isn't going anywhere. That you are just a boy from North who thinks KL girl is too much for you. *this is me smiling*

We did the medical check and proceeded to the office. That was when it annoyed you about everything. You get so angry about the tiniest of things and I laughed it off. I laughed so much at it, and that was when I realized. 

You and I have so much in common, you're such a comedy piece. 

That one moment when we had to wait for good two hours because that office hasn't registered you in, I had this quick momentous time that we had as I was seated and you bought me my tea. My morning tea otherwise my soul will not be rested. You placed the hot tea before me and watched as 

I slowly sipped on them. Where had you been my whole life, really? 

You have no idea how much I adore you then as I watched you with my quiet eyes. We went up again but only to be declined once again. That was when I told you, lets make our way to the post office. As I was busy choosing my newly wanted philately stamps. You watched and came in and wanted to pay for my stuffs again. Knowing how much this guilt will kill you one day, I refused but your face changed. I know you felt guilty, I know how much you appreciate me going through this distance for you, but I need you to also know that I go through this distance for people that I care. 

I later went down for coffee and you went to your morning talk. While reading and drinking coffee, red flag alert since this is my second sweet cup already of the day and it wasn't even afternoon yet. I sat quietly and was planning if I could take you to Connaught night market that was when my phone bleeped and I saw the air plane ticket leaving Malaysia.

My heart sank a little. 

I tried to remain calm and kept my composure when you came down. 

We drove to Seri Pacific Hotel to help you check in and by then, it was already noon and we were both already so hungry. There was this brief moment where I leaned in on your shoulder and you just held me for that bliss 3 minutes before we pulled back and went off for lunch.

You will never know how much that ever meant to me because 

I think deep down, I would always be this younger sister to you. 

We went to take away for lunch because you were already not feeling so good and wanted to head back to nap. I drove back for nap and wanted to see you so badly for dinner. Raveenaa, don't try so hard for people. 

That two hours drive from home to you, I kept reminding myself that 

I WOULD NOT CRY. That I will be this big girl who handles herself and pull herself together. I reached over and you were so occupied with your cousin brother. I was so torn not wanting to let you go. I wanted to drive you to 

Mid Valley but because I only had 2 hours with you as the agent had to pick you up at 9 pm to the airport, I decided to change location to Sogo. 

Again, I had the chance to show you where I worked previously around Sentul. I showed you were Tasty Banana Leaf is and where Desi Chapati. 

I wasn't able to show you where the Court is, but one day, I will. 

We went around Sogo getting the very last minute things you needed before boarding time. We went to have dinner together and that was 

when it hit me. That this might be the last dinner we'll ever have together. 

I remembered that night we ate and laughed away. 

We laughed from our crazy date stories to our families to the fact that 

I promising to be married at 28. It was such an amazing dinner night. 

We cleaned and left the table. I remembered before leaving that night, 

we went to get snicker bars and you refused to let me wait with you. 

You wanted me to be home. The drive from Sogo back to your hotel was the worse because we both drove in silence. When we arrived, my heart broke into the millionth of pieces you can ever think of. But this is you, hugging me as you bid your goodbyes. I was already in tears when the peck at the cheek happened. I said my goodbye cause you were already running late. I came home that night and cried so much like a small girl who didn't get her lollipop. I cannot believe this is happening again. This is exactly like last January where I let you go without telling you how I feel.

Here I am promising myself that I will let you know, the next time I see you. 

; Arijit Singh x Atif Aslam

King of Lions and Protector :)

I think the toughest challenge upon having you in town was wanting to do so many things but fearing I wasn't going to have enough time to do them. 

Hello avid readers! I'm sorry for putting my blog on idle again but I am back. This time round, you would be amazed with the content I am going to put it up here. Do leave me your feedbacks because it matter okay?

A really good friend of mine visited from Ipoh earlier this week and writing this makes me feel so bummed that the weekend passed by so quickly.

Fast forward the story when he got down to KL from Ipoh that day, 

I actually went down to Seremban to attend Arveen Kaur's big day. 

And I am just so happy to know that my babe is officially Mrs. Prem now. 

So basically going back to the story ya. I drove back from Seremban and rushed all the way to meet this person. I was stuck in jam on my way to him but it doesn't matter. It took me good two hours of my life to him. 

So many thoughts ran through my head. 

That this is happening. That 60 days had passed and what has changed? I've missed spending time with you, but will this go on? 

And then sharp at three pm, he walked out the front hotel lobby towards my car and for the longest of time, I stared so hard at this perfect flawless being thinking in my head why haven't I called him mine, yet. 

He did me a box of little things comprising of things I need.

We drove into the distance cause I wanted him to see my alma mater, 

and went off for lunch cause we were both equally starving. After much consideration, I took him to Murni for lunch. We sat down and ordered and talked our day away. Time, being my biggest enemy showed that the clock struck 4.15 pm and I had to drop him back because he had this stupid schedule thing that shoots my blood pressure high whenever I think of it. 

I went for tea that night with Mathi and Vino but I was so upset because not only I was only spending 1 hour with him on his first day here but there were so many unexecuted plans. You guys have no idea how upset I was because it was such a short period of time that I have. We promised to meet earlier on the second day as he had to push off to Shah Alam after. 

On day two, I called the shots to scrape all of our plans and head to Batu Caves instead. I will just stop at it was so beautiful after they repainted the entire stairs in such colours guys. It was so amazing. I made prayers together for him and the family. Thought he really needed it for the house. 

On a side note, I realized I take such nice photographs of him as compared to him taking mine. I am such a good photographer though. Look at this. 

I took 

vs

He took

The picture was senget and blur, you all. 

We went for a short drive around after that. I showed him where my school was, where the Bursa building was, Berjaya Times Square, Changkat and where the whole Bukit Aman building. From the Pudu Pasar to Pudu Raya, all of it. The skyscrapers were all so breathtaking and beautiful. 

The weather was so hazy but I really do hope you make your way back to KL one day and I would still be the one who gets to take you around. 

I've never been more thankful to be a KL girl when I get to take someone around. Someone like, YOU. So many memories would be etched so close to me and my heart. The prayers, the sami kaayire, to vibudhi and the dreamcatcher in Shiela. I really hope you liked it cause it was handmade. 

So glad to have you around in this lifetime, really.

I dedicated my instagram story last night for you, but you didn't see any of them. Thought I should attach it here as a self reminder to myself, 

that I am capable of loving this much and being loved this much. 

Thank you, my love. For this and everything. 

Something always brings me back to YOU.

Somethings always brings me back to you, and it never takes too long. 
No matter what I say to do, I still feel you're here, till the moment I'm gone. (Gravity, Sara Bareilles)

Last night it was raining so heavily when you told me that you're finally coming home. And then it hit me, that you've been gone for almost good 6 months and now that you're heading back, I do not know how shall I react. 

I was happy of course I was. But you being you, you always had the final word of say, don't you? You called my name and I made you spell it out and I teared knowing till today, you still don't even know how to spell my name. 

I corrected you and smirked all to myself. I told you that even after all these years you don't even know my full name. I began to realize that boys like you only go for pretty girls. That guys, you included, only goes for pretty girls and not smart ones. It is never the caring nor the good girls would win. And truthfully that breaks me a little. This is a real war that I'll never win. 

At times I began questioning on why being honest would make you mad. 
I wanted you to hear them from ME and not via others. So when I am honest, you simply get mad cause you get annoyed. You think I am probing around about you. Truthfully, this is me telling you that I am not interested in your past, it belongs to you. I am interested in being a part of your future.

You snapped so much, you questioned about everything you could ever think about. You scolded me about the way I dress to the way I carried myself. From the shoe I wore to the fact that my dress was too low 
and my jacket was too short, you really always have things your way. 

I have never truly have anyone who would hurt me like the way you do. 
I blinked back tears but before I could even answer, you continue criticizing everything you could ever think about. From the way I talk to the way 
I pose my photographs. Truthfully and frankly, it scares me. It scares me 
as to how much a stranger like you could wound me with your words. 

I took a step back to calm myself down before answering you 
and before I could even think, you ended it all up by saying 
"Raveenaa, you are worth it. I'll come back to see you". 
And then it hits me. That this is real. And that IT IS happening. 

I calmed myself and pulled my composure together. I convinced myself that I cannot be weak in front of you. I am scared, yes I am. You have no idea how precious you are to me and you'll never know it now, I guess. 
You'll never know how much I had loved you when you were away nor will you know how much you ever meant to me. For a very long time I thought, 
"I think I should let you go cause you're unhealthy". 

When you love someone, let them go, if they come back, 
they are meant to be yours. Otherwise, they were never yours.  

"You'll never ever find out how precious you are to me".
"You are so worth it".
"You were The One, but you were Not."
"You were The One then you left, but now I'm just a girl you'll forget".


I've missed you, but this is me, telling you, 
I'm letting you go. 


Welcome back, babe. Malaysia misses you. 

There Were Days :')

There were days where I just want to pick up my phone and tell you of how much I’ve missed you. Then, there were days were I’m always worried if you’ve ate. 

When Chinese New Year came, there were never thoughts from you to actually call or write in to me to wish me. You claimed that you forgot I’m half Chinese. 

There were days when I told you that I really like you in a uniform, you took it in another way. You promised to be less evil, when you left. Look at where we are today? Right at the starting point again.

There were days where I wanna tell you how much your name makes me smile on the notifications. 

Or there were days where I make notes of our future possible places to visit, i.e. Kellie’s Castle, Taiping, Changkat Jering and Penang. To do it all together. 

There were days where I just wanna call you and tell you that I missed your voice. There were days where you make me wait whole night and don't text back. 

There were days where I tell you that I pray for you, but you would ignore it as if you’ve never read it. 

There were days where I tell you that I miss being 

in your arms with you and you would tell me that I deserve better in life. There were days where I’m all optimistic about you coming back and you would remind me that you want to come back and 

see me being happy with someone else. 

There were days where I would update you about every thing out here in the world, but you would push me out of your small world. There were days where I would ask you to stay, but you would tell me that there shouldn’t be any attachments when it comes to you. 

I update it all for you. I write it all for you. There were days I pray that you would read all of this and realize what you mean to me but when you told me that 

with you, it just isn’t going to work out, I knew, 

I’ve lost the war even before the battle started. 

There were days where I’ve begged you to let me go. 

I promised it would take time but you said it would make you happy seeing me move on. There were days where I ask you to not reply to my texts anymore, 

but you told me that you have gone through it before, 

and you’re not cruel enough to do that to me. 

It was okay for you to hurt me. It was okay for you to say things to me, but when it boils down to making things okay, every cell inside you burns at it. 

There were days where you’re so stubborn and you’ve made up your mind to push me away. There were also days where you call me the best one in your life. 

There were days where I believe we had the best of chemistry but we never made it work, because 

you just cannot handle me. Am I that difficult? 

All in all, there were days, where I crave for you, 

but months from now, I think I’ll still feel the same. What else can I even say to make you understand this whole thing when you’ve already made up your mind? 

There were days, where I’m asking for an equal chance to get to know you. There were days where I’m asking for you to know me. But all and all, all you ever wanted was no attachments to do with me. 

There were days when I thought, but I’ll do it all over. With you, I would.

Post inspired by all Chinese New Year 2019 outfits.