This past two days text were pretty short and I thought I should at least write it up. It has been 11 days since I wrote up something for you, and one day when you finally see this. I hope you feel as much as my words misses you, and how much I yearns for you here.
There would never be enough I miss you I should tell you. And there are never enough hard work or effort to get to your heart. When you asked me to find out about the police rank, I sat down with my parents and rang up a few IO friends wanted to gather as much information for you. I thought if getting you all this would make you really happy cause you know
I am the RIGHT person for you to ask this to.
When you texted again to ask to get you research qualifications, I searched so much I thought I was going to die. With so much work, I had to set them all aside thinking you might need this more. But of course, I had to keep reminding myself,
you'll only be back 5 months from now.
When the news that we had to celebrate Chinese New Year in Taiping came in, I called you up. Telling you we would be visiting Nasi Ganja in your hometown again. Bringing me back would bring so much flashbacks
and oh how much I would pray to have you back.
When I tell you how much efforts people put in to know me, I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. All and all, you kept reiterate that
I deserve a good guy and better guy.
Why can't you see that you are the one that I want?
I was really honest, I laid it all down for you. I put it all out telling you how I feel. I finally told you about this attachment that is killing me daily. I told you about everyone who has broke my heart before.
People tell me honesty is the best policy, but when it was you, I didn't know what I was doing, all I wanted to do was to hold you and tell you everything. I need your arms around me and everything would be alright once.
You convinced me that this will pass. That someone will come along and care for me more than you. It was then when I had to stop you and ask, I wrote a really long paragraph of essay telling you how much you are the best thing that has happened to me. And the way I feel around you. The way you care for me and the way you looked at me. There was something about your eyes or the way you talk to me. I find you in every person that I meet, tell me how was all of that added?
I convinced you to work on us. I swear the idea sounded so crazy, and you laughed. You laughed so much at it. What am I supposed to do when the best part of all of this was YOU? You laughed and you told me that I deserved better. You waved off everything that I said. And you said you weren't good enough
for me. That was when it really did break me.
I have never gotten to know you enough yet, but I know, having you in this life is enough. It was then when I learned you were having a girl in mind you were coming back to marry for. You claimed that you were sorry and that you would just end up hurting me more. I apologized, knowing how this would never work. You think that just because one girl has hurt you, every other girl who comes along, would hurt you too. There was nothing that I can say to convince you. Nothing that I can tell you to make you stay. You have already made up your mind even when you don't see what you mean to me. So it was alright for you to hurt me.
I picked up my phone and told you to take care and good luck in everything that you do. Have a good life, you'll truly always be my favourite, mariner. What else could I have done instead babe, tell me? If there was one thing I could ask you when you read this,
would your life be different if you pick me instead?
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2019!
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