There Were Days :')

There were days where I just want to pick up my phone and tell you of how much I’ve missed you. Then, there were days were I’m always worried if you’ve ate. 

When Chinese New Year came, there were never thoughts from you to actually call or write in to me to wish me. You claimed that you forgot I’m half Chinese. 

There were days when I told you that I really like you in a uniform, you took it in another way. You promised to be less evil, when you left. Look at where we are today? Right at the starting point again.

There were days where I wanna tell you how much your name makes me smile on the notifications. 

Or there were days where I make notes of our future possible places to visit, i.e. Kellie’s Castle, Taiping, Changkat Jering and Penang. To do it all together. 

There were days where I just wanna call you and tell you that I missed your voice. There were days where you make me wait whole night and don't text back. 

There were days where I tell you that I pray for you, but you would ignore it as if you’ve never read it. 

There were days where I tell you that I miss being 

in your arms with you and you would tell me that I deserve better in life. There were days where I’m all optimistic about you coming back and you would remind me that you want to come back and 

see me being happy with someone else. 

There were days where I would update you about every thing out here in the world, but you would push me out of your small world. There were days where I would ask you to stay, but you would tell me that there shouldn’t be any attachments when it comes to you. 

I update it all for you. I write it all for you. There were days I pray that you would read all of this and realize what you mean to me but when you told me that 

with you, it just isn’t going to work out, I knew, 

I’ve lost the war even before the battle started. 

There were days where I’ve begged you to let me go. 

I promised it would take time but you said it would make you happy seeing me move on. There were days where I ask you to not reply to my texts anymore, 

but you told me that you have gone through it before, 

and you’re not cruel enough to do that to me. 

It was okay for you to hurt me. It was okay for you to say things to me, but when it boils down to making things okay, every cell inside you burns at it. 

There were days where you’re so stubborn and you’ve made up your mind to push me away. There were also days where you call me the best one in your life. 

There were days where I believe we had the best of chemistry but we never made it work, because 

you just cannot handle me. Am I that difficult? 

All in all, there were days, where I crave for you, 

but months from now, I think I’ll still feel the same. What else can I even say to make you understand this whole thing when you’ve already made up your mind? 

There were days, where I’m asking for an equal chance to get to know you. There were days where I’m asking for you to know me. But all and all, all you ever wanted was no attachments to do with me. 

There were days when I thought, but I’ll do it all over. With you, I would.

Post inspired by all Chinese New Year 2019 outfits. 

Lets create some Raula (Noise!)

This past two days text were pretty short and I thought I should at least write it up. It has been 11 days since I wrote up something for you, and one day when you finally see this. I hope you feel as much as my words misses you, and how much I yearns for you here. 

There would never be enough I miss you I should tell you. And there are never enough hard work or effort to get to your heart. When you asked me to find out about the police rank, I sat down with my parents and rang up a few IO friends wanted to gather as much information for you. I thought if getting you all this would make you really happy cause you know 

I am the RIGHT person for you to ask this to. 

When you texted again to ask to get you research qualifications, I searched so much I thought I was going to die. With so much work, I had to set them all aside thinking you might need this more. But of course, I had to keep reminding myself, 

you'll only be back 5 months from now. 

When the news that we had to celebrate Chinese New Year in Taiping came in, I called you up. Telling you we would be visiting Nasi Ganja in your hometown again. Bringing me back would bring so much flashbacks 

and oh how much I would pray to have you back. 

When I tell you how much efforts people put in to know me, I wanted to show you how much you mean to me. All and all, you kept reiterate that 

I deserve a good guy and better guy.

Why can't you see that you are the one that I want? 

I was really honest, I laid it all down for you. I put it all out telling you how I feel. I finally told you about this attachment that is killing me daily. I told you about everyone who has broke my heart before. 

People tell me honesty is the best policy, but when it was you, I didn't know what I was doing, all I wanted to do was to hold you and tell you everything. I need your arms around me and everything would be alright once. 

You convinced me that this will pass. That someone will come along and care for me more than you. It was then when I had to stop you and ask, I wrote a really long paragraph of essay telling you how much you are the best thing that has happened to me. And the way I feel around you. The way you care for me and the way you looked at me. There was something about your eyes or the way you talk to me. I find you in every person that I meet, tell me how was all of that added?

I convinced you to work on us. I swear the idea sounded so crazy, and you laughed. You laughed so much at it. What am I supposed to do when the best part of all of this was YOU? You laughed and you told me that I deserved better. You waved off everything that I said. And you said you weren't good enough 

for me. That was when it really did break me. 

I have never gotten to know you enough yet, but I know, having you in this life is enough. It was then when I learned you were having a girl in mind you were coming back to marry for. You claimed that you were sorry and that you would just end up hurting me more. I apologized, knowing how this would never work. You think that just because one girl has hurt you, every other girl who comes along, would hurt you too. There was nothing that I can say to convince you. Nothing that I can tell you to make you stay. You have already made up your mind even when you don't see what you mean to me. So it was alright for you to hurt me.

I picked up my phone and told you to take care and good luck in everything that you do. Have a good life, you'll truly always be my favourite, mariner. What else could I have done instead babe, tell me? If there was one thing I could ask you when you read this, 

would your life be different if you pick me instead? 

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2019!