I've always wanted to write on time.
Moments. Seeing the hours tick away.
Seeing how the sand in an hour glass falls gracefully gathering themselves at the bottom of the glass.
People often say that time heals everything.
Give it time, you would eventually get over it. Time would pass. That one day in time, all of this would not even matter. That you shouldn't be too hard
on yourself cause after all life is just temporary.
Some tells you that the only thing you could never return or obtain back to would definitely be time.
If that is so, explain the time travelling concept then? Define the theory of parallel universe then? Don't they defy gravity and prove that we are able to live at different times at a point with the same old soul?
You see, the point of this post was not intended to dwell on how time can heal us or how we could travel through time. But how we, mankind appreciates time. I grew up in such school system, it has always been a practice to be 10 to 15 minutes earlier
for a meeting. Simplest terms where my parents
are punctual persons when it comes to gathering etc, they are never late simply because their job requires THAT out of them. My family has raised us to figure
in a way to our potentials and maximum limits.
Paint classes, Taekwondo classes, piano arrangements, tuition, arithmetic class, script writing classes, chinese classes and swimming classes, you name it. They have all signed it up for us and made sure each and every one of us finished what we started. Yet as much as I hated my timetable back then when I was younger, cause I swore it had always been so hectic back when we were younger taking up classes and etc, but my parents had always made it a point to us to never be late for classes. You wouldn't believe it, but in my eleven years of studying, correction, I did Form Six too, so 13 years? I was never late to school. Not even once. P/S : I've never skipped school too, well, unless it's an emergency
or the fact that my deskmate is skipping class
for the day. Heh. I miss Ashweenia, I really do.
But that being said, I really have always appreciated time and as much as it would surprise you, I have come to a conclusion that the best gift you are able to give somebody would be time. This reminds me how less of a time I've spent with you. I've lost you and I feel so torn apart ever since. Since July, it isn't even a year yet, but I do see you when I dream,
and it isn't the kind of good dream. It is always the nightmare. The pain, the suffering that you when you go through whilst you lived. You were never happy. Now that I think about it, you've never had happy days when you were living. There was always poverty to be dealt with. Raising the family. Looking at the bigger picture. Saving everybody else. I miss you, ammama. How long has it been? Seven months
since you passed and I seem to not got over it yet.
I rarely speak of you, yet, I cannot seem to bring myself to speak of you. Really. Because in my mind till today, you're still around. As much as it scares me, we used to be back so frequently every year. We're always in Taiping, Chinese New Year, June, August and December every single year. And these days, we rarely even go, and if we could run out of it, we would because the memories just haunts us. We cannot seem to move past me. One year once, during Chinese New Year itself seems a bit too much for us. I miss Taiping. I really do. It was always stress when you were around, last time, but now that you're gone, I MISS YOU, grandma. If I could turn back TIME.
Why is life so unfair? Why do God take you away from me. You were in much pain but when I visited you last, you held my hand and you promised me that you were going to stay, but now where have you gone to? Everyone clearly convince me that it is time to let you go. That medication isn't going to heal you and as day passes, the cancer was just killing you more and more. It was taking the best out of you. The day of your passing, uncle told us that you ate so much of porridge that day. They said, before you let go of your last breath, you asked for the three of us.
You asked about Sureen ( my elder brother and your favourite grandchild ) and everyone told you how well we're doing, and that everyone's good and fine.
As much as it is hard it believe this, I cannot believe that I would be returning this weekend for the first year prayers. The Qingming or Ching Ming Festival, also known as Tomb-Sweeping Day in English is a traditional Chinese festival on the first day of the fifth solar month of the traditional Chinese calendar. This is the 15th day after the Spring Equinox, falling on 4th April 2017. This is also known as the Chinese Memorial Day or Ancestors' Day. I need all of the strength I could get for needing to be at the cemetery this weekend. How do I be expected to stand before your tombstone and still be okay? *cries*
Any one of you who would be in Taiping this mid semester break, do let me know. I am driving up North this Friday itself so catch you there?
Before I end, Happy Mid Semester Break and to the Chinese relatives who would be back to respective hometown, drive and be safe. That's about it!
HAPPY MID SEMESTER BREAK 2017!
