Through.

I sat across this screen convincing myself that I knew exactly what was I going to write about in this piece. But as I actually and legitly blanked out because all that is running through my head is the pending works 

I have which I need to submit in four days time. 

Things have been hectic. Real hectic. Due dates. Wanting to be at every place I could be. Wanting to please every corner of the world. Wanting to make time for every person out there. Wanting to fix all of it at one go. Forever longing for my own personal time.

And then, there came YOU.

You are someone who I've never seen becoming someone important to me. Heck, you walked into my life on a fine day and acted as if everything was going to be alright. With you, things are indifference. 

You make it okay to commit mistakes. You make 

it okay to just be myself around you. You became someone who I not only want to spend the night with but I yearn to wake up in the morning because I want to actually spend the day and talk to you all about it. 

You are different. Not in a bad way, but of course in so many ways you could think possible. You bring out the best in me simply because you don't buy the lies I feed you to. You knew me so well that you could pretty much spell out my mood by just listening to my voice. 

And I know, as much as I should be happy. I couldn't help but to feel this tiny little pang in my heart.

 There are fears. I get jitters around you. I do and it is something I don't look forward to. I honestly don't appreciate feeling nervousness around you because 

I try so hard to escape out of it. 

What if I would never be able to take this sadness away out of me? What if I am just a bad influence to you? What happens next? What if all that we ever wanted was for us to drift apart and maybe, we're just two temporary people who would never have the chance to be together? What happens then? What if we forget one another in the end? I question myself that if that were to happen, why would I be sad if that is all I ever wanted? I tried so hard to push you away. I've always thought you deserve better. I saw the way your eyes glint as you speak of her. I've never seen that in you. Your eyes light like fireworks on fourth of July as you went on ranting about her. And that was when I knew, that I knew, she was your definition of happiness.

And, I couldn't give you that. I would never be that girl. I would never be able to be her or to make you happy in ways that she could. It is irony as it struck me. I find happiness in the tiniest things that you do. The way you carry yourself as we struggle to finish our food or when you held the bouquet of yellow tulips in your hands for the first time, I smiled, unknowingly. And that was when I knew, I fell. I lost this game with Cupid. I fell in love. And what makes it worst was that, it was with you. 

How do I be happy knowing I am never the girl you wanted. How do I scruff you out of this? How do I put words before you when all I seem to do is tremble before you? We speak about dreams and disappointment we never knew of. We speak about insecurities and then there was you, 

who never judge me for any of it. 

How do I do this? Talk me out of this. 

Teach me how do I pull myself together and do this? 

What do I do now? 

I realize that you matter.

I realize that you would always be.

And it scares me. It does. Because I don't understand how or why. Because maybe, sometimes, we put up walls, not to keep people away, but to see who cares enough to break them. Because at this point, I am just another girl, you'll forget. Yeah, you were THE ONE then you left. And I'm just a girl you'll forget.