Raveenaa Talks The Talk: Break.

Break. I need a break.

Can we talk?

As in a serious conversation between two person.

You know this is you? This is the same person who has threatens to harm my family months ago.

This is the same person who has forgot my birth date.

The same guy who makes my heart beats really fast.

The same guy who is coming back into my life.

The one person who gets me every single time.

You know, it is so hard to understand you.

Really. It is so hard to understand you sometimes.

I have always, always looked up to you and I have always felt as if you are indeed someone to look up to.

Dude, you are aware and you do know of it right? That it is indeed not easy for someone from a small town to come ALL THE WAY to town just to work. And to be working at such a tender age and to be this successful. Lets be frank. It is something that I can never do. Seriously.

Fine, lets just talk about us. I have been trying so hard. So so hard and I have felt that all these time that has already passed by, you've transformed into somebody new and that, I don't even know this you. I've come to a realization that maybe, just maybe. I've never really knew you in the first place. I've never known the real you. The true you. Not family. Not friends. Nothing at all, about you. Nothing. You have always been the person to live day by day basis but I was always the other half wanting the better for us both. Maybe, after all these years, you have always just been using me. Maybe I've never learn anything about you.

The main issue to us, is that you can never
be " just friends " with the person you love.

Cause at the end of the day, you ALWAYS ALWAYS makes me feel as if I am not good enough. Let me be not being smart enough. Or not being pretty enough or whatsoever. There would always be somebody to compare me to. I don't understand why we can never let our egos down a little and work things out together? Why can things never ever be the same again? And slowly, I started putting the puzzle pieces together.

You'll never ever put in effort to attend functions
of which I have invited you to. Let it be a simple graduation or temple prayers. Or let it be, the main highlight of my life, my dad's funeral. You'll just never put in any effort from yourself to attend anything that has to deal with me. And that was when I knew,
that I had to let you go. For good.

I am letting you go, because you deserve a better woman. One who is better than me. One, who would keep you really happy. I don't bake nor cook well. But
I do try you see. I do. I don't really bake nor cook well, but you were the first person I do all these silly things for. And you have always come to say that why am
I wasting money once again? I've never felt that way because I've always put you as an importance. Because all that matters to me, is that as long as
you smile, and that no matter how tiring it gets,
I still wanna keep you smiling. I still wanna do it.

Fine. Let it go. We shall put that on pause. Lets come to a halt and time for me to be real honest here. Do you know how jealous I get of people? When they get to send cute selfies to one another. Or stupid pictures and text they get to send at the end of their day, wanting somebody to talk to? Meeting each other family and annoying friends and all that stupid crap you can come to think of? Which what do you always call them? Ah, yes, a waste of time. I on the other hand,
I don't. I would kill to meet the family members you talk to me about and I would want to meet your friends. Vice versa, I would want YOU to meet mine as well.

But no! In your life and in your dictionary.
You can never be seen with me outside. Not even in
a shopping mall or outside, together. Never. Now,
tell me, when was the last time we both ever sat down
for a meal together? Don't remember, do you?
Every single thing is always SO wrong in your eyes. Seriously. Everything is always just SO WRONG
and everything is never right. Just never! Even once!

Maybe you are just too ashamed to be seen with me. To admit that you know this girl. To know that you know this imperfect flawed girl named, Raveenaa.

When you proposed to the girl and she came to me about it, I spend the night crying the night away all alone in my bed. Wishing I was never this insecure. Wishing I was a little better. Wishing I would be good enough for you. I just don't want you anymore. Really. Don't bother coming back for me. Even to attend my funeral or whatsoever that involves me. Just don't. You've chose do disappear, so you might as well
just be gone for the rest of my life down the road.

You don't bother what I've been through or what have my family has undergone. Just don't. Don't bother about me anymore. Focus on you. Focus on yourself and you are gonna do just fine. You're gonna be okay.

This is the same person, that makes my heart fall for. And the same boy who makes my heart beats once again. But, I just cannot do this anymore. I can't.
I cannot be falling for you over and over again, knowing that you would never feel the same for me.