December 2019.

I chopped of 42cm worth of hair. Wasn’t sure if it was the best decision in my life considering when my mother saw me after the hair cut, she thought I had did a mistake. Both my brothers knew how much I loved my long hair but also respected that I needed new beginnings to a lot of endings.

2019 was a year that thought me a lot of things. It was a year and would always be one that shows me, how emotional can a 25 year old me feel. Above anything else, I’m also capable of feeling and being hurt. Many of us think that we are just capable of being hurt by others words and actions, but we don’t realize that at times, people have to react in that manner in order to protect themselves from people like you and I, alike.

Of course if you would have been following my life stories and dating life, you would have realized that I’ve given up on more people than they do on me, simply because it’s not that I do not believe in second chances but more towards the fact that, I am of the person who feels that it is unfair for a person to change himself for me.

I’ve hurt and been hurt for good almost 19 persons and it took me a while to actually realize that perhaps, the reason is me. I convince myself way too much that I should try hard and harder but it always makes me even more disappointed because I realized that “I try so hard, and I’m never the chosen one”. And when I finally wanting to put a stop to this, then came YOU.

It was two in the morning when I told you that your voice would be of a comfort to me and it would help me sleep back. I had a real terrible nightmare that day, I think it involved something or rather someone with a hitman killing my past. And perhaps, this was a sign that it is indeed time for me to move on. That there should be a pause and this was mine. Dear you, I honestly do not remember what we spoke about but I remembered listening to you attentively speaking about the child that you love and adore. She must have been a huge part of your life and would always be. How does a person like me or a girl like anybody in that matter, seek comfort from that? I woke up, and wanting to write to you, it was then when I realized that you took away kind words of mine. You called me a coward and I woke up for a little bit. You see strength and that
my voice matter, why don’t I see myself in that manner, I thought. Again, making me wonder on a Wednesday morning is that, what is it that I didn’t do that was just going to be enough? Situations reversed, wouldn’t you have felt that even relationships and love was against me. Of course we comfort ourselves that this would get better, but until then, hold on.

But to what? Hold on to what, I shrieked. I can never fall for vague or false hopes nor promises anymore thus I think it’s okay. For me to take a little break and review on myself a little.
That perhaps, all 2019 was trying to teach me was to put myself first
above everybody else.

If this was going to take one year to learn and
10 or 20 guys for me to only wake up, then so be it! 2019 would always be a year worthy of remembering. From winning sarees, to solo travels to Langkawi, Vietnam and Taiwan to the very sole fact that
I have won the Air Asia travelling plan this year! I even managed to release a short film which was shot and inspired by me. I’m capable of writing more advertistments and to winning more court cases because 2019 wasn’t supposed to be a depressing one. I can do this and I will do this!

Dear Raveenaa, you are capable of so many more things in life.
Do not let this set you back. Don’t give up just yet. I have come to a realization that only me can save me. And I don’t think anybody can take that away from me. I have to be allowed to be focusing on myself and my career now, and for the longest of time, I have to learn that it is okay to be my own cheerleader and that IT IS OKAY.

I think I’m ready for 2020 now.

Half of my heart is in Havana.

I usually plan on my writing materials before I put them up, but I guess tonight shall be an exception. I should at least go free style tonight. 

It's been two months long since I last work on a piece. 

I would just leave it at I've not been having the inspiration to write. We should just put it at I really want a piece to be at least before the year ends. Here I am. 

It is December and we are three weeks away before the New Year's and there's so much that you and I should be achieving before the New Year's. 

A friend texted me earlier and we promised to work on our New Year Resolution together. Considering it is 20-20 next year, 
I should be able to come up with at least 20 resolution by mid of next year! 

After all, if you know me as a person, you would know that my 
New Year only begins only after the Chinese New Year. 

In all honesty, I have so much to tell you. But to add on to my 20 List of New Year Resolutions among others are to keep a diary, to do bungee jumping, and most importantly, I've been wanting to squeeze in the 4 travel trips in the period of 12 months and till date, I am stilll so clueless as to how I shall execute it. 

 Killer mukuthi and tattoes, are you and they are bae. 

I am in this midst of ice breaking with this person who would kidnap/save/be there for me on my wedding day. This is the guy who would come running for me and laugh at me when I need this. It's only been 
72 hours but this one is something. A lot of people has seen different sides of him and this is the one person, that I know would not fail on me. 

So many of you has asked about the post I put up on Instagram but it is fair for me to say that it was his favourite person on Earth, I would just stop at;

My favourite colour is yellow and yours in blue. I really like cheese and you love chocolates. I love music and you are a great singer. I laugh too much and you wink a little too much. You have such soft spot to small children and I think they're little Devil. You think you are the villain but humbly, 
I think you're a God's child who just returned from Hell to save mankind. 

I've been writing a little too much long texts lately 
but I'll stop at, wherever you are, stay a little longer? 

"11: 11

On the phone with you whilst writing this"