I Wrote This Song, Just Looking At YOU.

I could hear my breath quicken as I struggled to try and put words into my mouth as I see you there. 

It has been days that I have been trying so hard to tell you what is going on. I have been trying my level best to let you know what is up. Yet all you seem to do is to shut me down. It got me wondering, 
do you even deserve to know?

Honestly, I wish that there was a part of me that mattered to you. That a part of me that you would care. That I would be of importance to you. Why is it that I've always been running back again to you? 

Is this how it is supposed to feel like? You were amongst who I could turn to, but when you told me about all of it, for once I knew I should be happy for you. Advice, time, importance, I gave it all to you. Where else could I do wrong?

Is this how I am supposed to be feeling? Because if it is, I am sure as Hell I do not like it even for its tiniest bit. And if this is how our stories end, then perhaps, 
I should, learn to let go. But what if I refused to? 

After all, who are you to decide what is right and what is wrong in my life? Who are you to have the call as to who STAYS and who LEAVES my life? 

Why do you always make me listen to you despite the very sole fact that at the very end, you would leave. How do I do this tho? How do I do this, without you? 

Don't.
Please. Do something. Erase this feelings off me. 
I would plead. I beg. I kicked and I cried. I would do whatever it takes just so I could take this off myself.

I could hear my breath quicken as I tried to put words into my mouth as I see you. I wanted to tell you, 
all of it. Every little details of it.

It was then when you asked if you could go first and you told me all about it. All about her. You said, you see your future in her. You see things in her that you don't in me. It honestly made me feel so used. Like you are done playing. So you decided to chuck me aside. You went running to her, once she calls. 
And honestly, it makes me sick to the core.

As much as it hurt even more, how do I tell myself that it isn't my loss to even begin with? To tell myself that I would be okay after making you my all. 
Every little details, tiniest most petite things, it was always you, who would have known of them first. 

It is okay. I'll danced it out. I'll be okay. I'll laughed it out. I'll be okay. Besides you've got her now. You're in good hands tho. She's there for you and vice versa. 

I should be happy. For you, for the very least. 

But this is me, swallowing my pride, knowing it was these insecurities that would be the end of me one day. You were right about one thing though. The worst memory out of this would have been the fact that she has won. That she won this war to replace me out in your life. For real, if this makes you happy, then I am leaving. I am walking for real.

And besides, it is your happiness that matters.

P.S. After all of these, 
how could I still tell you how I feel about you? 

Have a blessed Easter Celebration Year 2017, loves!