Paradox.

I want to be happy, but then, 
I think of all the things that makes me sad.

I put myself through all of these and then complains,
 why am I always so alone, sad and sappy?

It has been eighteen days long since my last post and tonight, I figure that I would sit and write this post up, because I am feeling all mixed emotions tonight. 
I am forced to sit through this meeting at this hour to draft a crappy letter, and all that is running through my mind, today, tonight, is time.

Of how people time can change any person on planet Earth. Of how time, is so precious that it is something that you cannot have it back. Your time is running out, Raveenaa. It is. Whether you like it or not. It had been    hours, days, let it be months long    
since we even sat and spoke properly.

I want to be able to hold you, exchange hugs and sit across you on a Wednesday, in a cafe, and watch us begin again. I miss you, I do. But how do you tell a
 person that you miss him who do not feel the same? 

But then again, why does it kills to know that you miss me too but this ego of yours just would not bring you to me? What is wrong with you? What is wrong with us?

Finals are so near but I have been playing. I have been dreaming so much. I wish you well in all that you wish to do. So much things to do, yet so little time. Teach me. Turn back time. Let me learn how to move on without you. Let me know how to I pick myself up 

and finish this marathon.

Take care of me. Do it from afar. Do it like how you used to do. You have been my Guardian Angel all these years, continue doing it. Just, please. Do all that makes you happy. Do it as long as it makes you comfortable. Thanks for showing me that all of these never meant anything to you. But then again, why do I expect so much out of persons who can never even be bothered?

Time, advice, lesson, I gave it all to you. I gave you the best that I could. But I was never good enough for you. Never being the one you could seek for help. Never could be the one that you turn to. You claim that I do not understand you. But then again, why do I try so hard to be someone that I am clearly not? 

How do I be good? How do I be the best in your eyes? How do I? Tell me what am I suppose to do to carry on this journey without you, somewhere down the road. How do I breathe and survive? You once told me that God knew exactly what He was doing, when He let me to you. Did He? Did He really?

You were right about one thing. That I would be okay. In the end, this life is mine. And if you don't wish to be a part of it, I have to be the one opening the front door and let you walk out of it instead of holding you back. You being successful is your priority and I wish you nothing but the best in this future undertakings of yours. I'll be fine. I'll be alright. That, I promise you. 

The one thing, that runs through my mind tonight,
you said this love is true. But is it really? 

Was it all just a lie?

Boy, I adore you.