Monday, June 9, 2014

Dissatisfaction.

And I thought that being strong 
means never losing your self control.
Hello, once again. Breathes. I am alive. Yes, your blogger is alive. Yes, freaking alive and to be honest I am feeling really rather boiling right now. And it is not that I am mad. But it is more to feeling sad. Rather than saying feeling sad, I would say I am filled with rage. And disappointments. Yes, that is the word. Disappointed. And I am really upset. Being upset at how some people's mind in this country works.
Now, I believe if you had really truly been reading what I have been posting on social networks lately, you would actually realize that my favourite artist is indeed in town. It was a great news to me. Although he is here to launch a new shopping mall. I am happy and glad that he is here to actually perform a few songs of his. Estimated to be four to five songs of his.
Now, here is the thing that I was really sad about. No, I don't come from a rich family you see. And I don't come from a background that everything I want, is a must have. Or anyone I need to meet, is a must to happen. Not all that happen in my daily life. Yes, it is true that it was indeed his second visit to Malaysia this year, on June 7th and since he was here last year, on my birthday, it was such a sad scenario because I only truly adored him beginning this year. So being this crazy fan girl, I do wanna be there for this event. 
To hold this event in Damansara is just plainly insane considering it is almost 40km away from where I am currently staying. But hey, no excuses right? I mean, I really do want to meet this guy. So here's the thing. I have no one to fetch me there on THAT particular morning. What other options do I have than to actually hail a cab there. And it is pretty insane on how much things I have gambled to put on the line to actually skip my classes, to actually put on pretty plus decent clothes and to go see him. But once again, I am not whining as I know that there are fans traveling there as well from Singapore and Indonesia. Those are really just die-hard fans man. Super hardcore that I am not. That I lose to.
Here's the list of things that I wanna talk about in this entire post. Although I did had fun during the showcase upfront, but here's a thing or two that I would like to comment on. Now, having to travel there without a Very Important Person (VIP) pass is saddening. It is a very sad case indeed. It was sad okay because it felt as if I am only gambling this through. That there was only a 50/50 chance to meet and greet the idol. VIP passes are passes that simply means the particular person who had won the ticket would either have a special seating or get to go backstage or they get to meet the particular idol. So it is a VIP passes is basically a pass that can help a person to actually be able to meet the idol really upfront during the showcase or backstage at concerts. So, there were numerous of competitions I've entered, yet I have no idea why I just never have the luck to win these little contest seriously. I never seem to strike once at all. You have no idea how many entries or forms I've written and personally sent to different agencies telling them how much I wanna meet this favourite idol of mine.
And it is pretty time consuming because I don't really recycle and send all the same answers, instead I come up with new fresh ones. So it involves really sitting down and heavy thinking skills. I really did brainstorm my way through. However, it is such a sore to the eye having people who actually won the contest form, yet, they decided to skip the event. Now, you must be wondering, how do I know? Like why do I bother so much? Of course I do. I have been on Twitter ( a social network site ) since the early of the day and it was such a sad thing to see when people who actually take photographs with the passes and skipping such events simply because reasons given were such as no transport, parents disapproval and there is one stating that it was her brother's birthday so she would have to skip the event. Just keep reading. I'll elaborate. 
I literally almost broke into screams and tears when I read things like that on social network. Number one, if you knew you had no transport to such a mall, why did you even bother taking part in the first place? Fine. Now that you've won, why didn't you pass that ticket to someone else, I mean at the very least, there are people who can attend to see him. People like me. And what even breaks my heart are people coming up with reasons like parents not allowing them to attend such showcase and sort simply because of that, they decided to skip. I have no idea how mean 
and selfish our people can be. 
My personal best girlfriend literally stopped her own blood brother from taking part in such a competition simply because she said, "It would be so bad to take up a spot when you, yourself know that no one in the family have got such time to send the brother to such an event". I mean, be logical, isn't that how a person's mind suppose to think and work? There was this one girl who had to skip the event simply because the event happened to be on her brother's birthday dinner. I am sorry, but hello? Do you happen to only know your brother on the event day? To only figure out that his birthday, falls on 7th of June? The day of the event? It is so depressing you know! When I see tickets goes to waste like that when there are people, people like ME who wants them tickets so badly. Can you believe such reasons were given by such people and citizens, no, they are demons, who and somehow, 
gave to skip attending the event? 
Hurts doesn't it?
Okay, part two, all that aside, what was even more sad was how some people actually acted on the day of the showcase. Now, I know it was a free event. You have no idea how much I wished I could have bought the tickets like how they would do in concerts with cash instead of depending on fate and luck though seriously. I'll give you an example what happened at the scene using two different scenarios 
to describe it to you, yeah? 
Have you ever been to a tuition centre? A public tuition centre. Or a library? Now, you see, I used to attend public tuition centres and it always sucks whenever the front rows in classes are always filled. Well they aren't filled with people exactly, but they are usually filled with textbooks, novels, bags, water bottles, umbrella, pencil case? Any sort of material you could think of. Now, the part that sucked the most would be when those usual latecomers ( like me ) who used to finish school late and I always rush to tuition centre sweating to only find front rows seats are always taken or booked by materials instead of human beings. And when stuffs like that happened, there are only back rows available. I really don't mind if they really reserve such places for their best friends or anyone who is about to come for tuition later on. However, the seats are always empty even until the end of the class. I mean, these people tend to place their school bag next to them throughout of the entire class as a claimed spot. I'm sorry but how is it not possible that such a big place, the particular ( tuition room ) are always so occupied? Always so pack! always so many people! I always wanted to ask people like these, I am sorry but does your school bag pays tuition fees too like the rest of us now? It annoys the hell out of me to be dealing with people like that you know? The same thing happen all the time in a public library too. 
The same exact scenario.
I mean, I wonder can't people be a little less selfish? I mean, just try practicing being a little selfless then. Try learning how to share out empty seats? Place them god darn materials in a bag and put them on the floor though. I mean, what problem is there, right? Why can't we ever practice the first come first serve basis the right way? Just because you are there early, it does not mean that the whole table belongs to you? How are we ever tgoing to learn to let go the greed and selfish feeling without wanting to learn to share things that doesn't even belong to us in the first place? How are we ever gonna improve in people's skills then? 
Learn all that things right and shove 
them up people's mind seriously.
Now, the two incidents and scenarios I've shared up there have pretty much described and explain how and what happened during the event. I suppose you readers don't need my explanation once more on that matter, do you? All and all, if you're a teenager age 13 and above, you should be able to think already. I mean think of everything I've said on this post and start being nice to people. I mean, I don't need you to kneel to people especially the elders. But start doing little things. Like, throw on a smile to a stranger. Or start giving smiles away. Stop being so cold seriously. Most of all, learn to share. I mean, we wouldn't live forever, right? So, there's no harm to learn to start being nice today to others, starting this moment right?
So, please readers, do make a difference from today onwards. Add it in to your new year resolution. Although it is already in June, half year gone, but remember it is better late than never. So, start being nice to others! Start learning to be healthy. Read this ;
I rest my case. Thank you. Bye! 

I knew you were trouble when you walked in.


                                                          
21:00p.m.
Five hours ;
Signing off ; Raveenaa <3

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

JUNE. You Are My End and My Beginning.

I REMEMBER TEARS STREAMING DOWN YOUR 
FACE WHEN I SAID I’LL NEVER LET YOU GO.
My best friend, Ian once told me this saying “Take a chill pill, enjoy life as it comes. You only live once, so there is no point of fretting over things you have no control over". Do you know who that girl is? It is someone I arise to each day and the person the mirror reflects. That girl in the photo is someone I look at every single day without fail in the bathroom mirror while I was brushing my teeth or directly after having my face washed. That girl in that photo, changed. I don't know what happened. But, I changed. Looking at old photos and realizing how happy I were back then makes me sad. No matter how busy I used to be then. I barely recognized the girl in that photo anymore. Really, I don't know what happened. True enough when people say that, the weather change, feelings fade, the plants wilt then withered, people die, people step into your life, they touch and go, people die and people change. 
That is what I feared the most.
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. 

Do you remember how much people used to tell you that you have got to have dreams in life as dreams do come true? Well, they definitely did forget to mention that NIGHTMARES are part of our dreams as well. She's strong, she knows her worth, she never settles. She is me ♥ It is sad if you love that guy and he can't love you back that way. So, in order to save yourself, you got to like say goodbye :'( I miss spending time with you. Honestly, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter we are spending our time out together or something. I think it is comforting to know that someone is there for you. Likewise, you feel secure that he is there no matter what happens. Like, even when Hell freezes over, you'll still know he is there :'( But in my case? It seems like hardly. True, in certain people's life, the impossible 
become the possible. Legit huh?
I am lost ; I am vain. I would never be the same. 
Without you. Without you.
But, in this life, in this birth, these all truly is impossible right now. Maybe I am just putting a full stop into all these. You might think that I would be like the last person in the list to give up. But, sometimes, when you are too strong and you stop showing your emotions, people starts thinking that you don't own emotions. People forget that you too, 
DO HAVE FEELINGS.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? 

Oh, please.
The saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is a lie. It doesn't turn you into a superman either if you're wondering. You are a human. Humans aren't bullet proof. If someone grabs a blade and cut you and you so call wanna show the blade makes you stronger and it doesn't kill you, you'll still bleed to death in the end. I rest my case.
It’s been a long time since I came around ; 
Been a long time but I’m back in town. 
This time I’m not leaving without you.
After all, you and I are just normal breathing living creature. To people out there, keep smiling. Have a little faith and move on. Que sera sera. What will be, will be. Breathe and always remember to never give up in life. Don’t smile when you have zero problems but smile when life is a mess and you are at the verge of crying yet you still figure out ways to carry yourself. In life, when you are crushed and beaten down, 
CRAWL YOURSELF BACK UP.
Remember, success is failure turned inside out. The silver tint of the clouds of doubt. You never can tell how close you are. It may be near when it seems so far. So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit. It’s when things 
seem worse that you must not quit!
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. 
-Helen Keller-




Saturday, May 10, 2014

May, It Is You, Again.

Have you ever been so mad? Of course
everyone had been angry before in life, one
way or another, right? What I am trying to ask
you is that have you ever been so mad at somebody that you have no words to say to them? You have no mean or bad words to curse at them simply because of the love and concern you have for them? I am mad at myself, not you. 
I am mad for always being nice. I am mad for apologizing for things I didn't do. I am mad for getting attached to you. I am mad for thinking about you. But most of all, I am mad for not hating you, when 
I should. I am mad at myself, not you.
And yes, that is what I have for you.
I sincerely have no idea what is even wrong with the whole situation right now. Could you help explain a little to me? I got to grasp the whole situation in my head right now. I couldn't even understand the bigger picture. Why would you even play the hot and cold game with me? You could call me out one night and asked me to get a dinner date table. And the next thing I knew, when everything was set out on the table, you decided to just cut me off your life again.
Is this a form of punishment from you? Or is karma playing its game on us? Everyone around you came to tell me that you've been seeking around for me. You've been asking people around for me, were you? But why are your ego so high when you came to face me? Especially when it comes to things about me. What is it that the both of us cannot talk to upfront? What is it that we both cannot manage to solve? Everyone tells me that you're wonderful. I used to belive that too. I used to think that way. I thought it was true. But tonight, I am unsure of myself. I don't know what to believe. I am starting to think otherwise. I am beginning to doubt myself again.
It is like this. It works this way. You only let the boss know of your dad's passing and you expects him to be quiet about it. Of course, you knew that he would surely hunt me down and tell me about it. Well I know it is pretty disappointing and all at the very sole idea of me not having a direct phone and all. And that everyone had been trying their level best to contact me when they knew. But then again, what are social networks for then? What I don't understand is that what is with you and being so angry about it? It is not like I cut you off my life completely. You had always took a spot in my heart, and you would always be. That is the ugly truth. It is like you are always gonna have this permanent reservation in my heart. Which part of it all that don't you understand?
You knew I would always have a soft spot on things whenever it comes to you so you always took it slow. Tortured me on daily basis this way. You were indeed supposedly to be available last night. But you decided to stood me out. You stood me out for four hours. It wasn't like four minutes small matter, bro. It was freaking four hours long. Time may be alright for you to waste, but what I never did understood in this whole time was you did have the opportunity to tell me that you needed to be away for hours. That you needed time and space to be gone a while. I would have GLADLY grabbed a vampire novel and kept myself busy instead of gripping on dearly to the phone like it is my life or something, right? 
I waited and waited till I decided to give in. 


I finally deleted it off and then I settled to watch movie. My heart was beating so fast and loudly last night. My mind was racing. How would I know the fact that you would be sitting for a lecture class then? And you know what hurts the most? It was the best moment when I saw that you were available two hours ago. Tears streamed down my cheek. I am seriously speechless. I wondered what have I ever done to you that you are happily playing this tug-of-war game with me? Perhaps, you think I'm free, eh?
 Your best friend came to drag my hand away from the crowd yesterday. And the first thing he said to me that you are holding up and doing fine now. That he was worried about how would I be doing. Of course I had to put up a smile and tell him life is good and sort. But then again, I took a step back in life and wondered aloud to myself, what is life without you? Seriously. I am saying this probably because I adore, cherish and really love you as a family member. And I think that is the one part you clearly do not see at all. That you are so emotionless, heartless, feeling less and numb when it comes to matter of love. 
 
I was at home when your worker decided to drop by and came to see me last night. Despite being awaken for almost 48 hours, I managed to recognize the guy. Thank God I was decently dressed. The first thing that he asked me was that why did I decided to disappear off your life for decades and centuries. I know that you probably miss me as much as I miss you. But you seriously have no idea how much I miss you terribly. And the one thing you probably cannot understand right now is that I am busy seriously at this phase in life. Really. I am taken away by family issues and there are things I have to handle for now :(
Your worker even took the effort to told me that you saw him this morning. The first question you decided to ask him was how is she doing. And your worker was so blur thinking in his mind which "she" you were mentioning until you had to blurt out my name then only he manages to figure things out. I wondered what took you so hard to pronounce the name, Raveenaa. I wondered why you can even consider thinking making up your mind that I moved away from you. That I have changed and all that when the both of us had been talking, texting and calling plus chatting all these while. I wondered why did you said that. I wondered why you never did tell your worker that we have been keeping in touch. Probably due to the fact that you are ashamed of me? I know it had been a year long, but I don't remember even once at all that we never moved away from each other. To be honest, I had always kept you close to my heart. 
It is alright. It is okay. So don't you bother what I do. I wouldn't be okay without you but I would be alright. I would survive anyways. I have no option when being strong seems to be my one and only choice left. I would get all of these done since I've started them so I shall pass them all to your worker and get him to give it to you on my behalf. Hope you like it that way then. But up until now this moment, I can only pretty much guessed last night gave me the right answer. That I can, only come to one conclusion in the end.
That, You Have Changed. 
 



The Club Can't Even Handle Me Right Now ;
Flo. Rida feat. David Guetta. 




1 Hour 45 Minutes.
Rav ; xoxo <3





Sunday, April 13, 2014

Do you still believe in one another?

Who am I to kid? I've lost you. 
I've lost you forever.
"No matter what challenges that keeps us apart, 
we'll always find a way back to each other".
Well, speak of the devil. Hello I am back. Yeps, your blogger is back after exactly two months. Well, here's one thing I would wanna tell you readers. So sorry I have been away. Seriously. I've been so busy I don't wanna talk about it. I don't feel like it. Been so moody these days about events like this and I have to just learn to let it go seriously. I have to learn that no matter what I do, it would never be good enough in her eyes. So screw it. I give up. I give in. Seriously I am done. I am done. Who am I to kid? My mood get so screwed up over tiny things and that is it. I might 
as well learn to let it go and enjoy life as it is.
"I choose to stay with him for all the things he's done right. Not for the one thing he has done wrong. 
I choose to forgive him".
I think what killed me the most would be the thought that I had earlier. That we were in this together seriously. Having all these problems and I see you walking away from me. What have I ever done to have you walk away without even turning back to catch a glimpse of look at me? What can I ever do to have you stay? You say things to me like be brave and that you think I can handle all sorts of stuffs like this alone. You always say I am the capable one. 
That I don't need you. 
Life is all about moments of impact and how they changed our lives forever. But what if one day 
you could no longer remember any of them? 
Here is a question to you. Why did you do it? Make me feel all worthy that night and then walk off the next day? You are probably the only person on planet Earth that can make me feel so unwanted. It is like you toyed with my feelings from day one. It was never love. It was never meant to be. You kid me with your friendship. I fell for all your stupid words. It sincerely hurts the most when the person who made you feel special yesterday, makes you feel so unwanted today seriously :'(  

Is this all a joke to you, seriously? :(


"How do you look at the one you love and

tell yourself it's time to walk away."

Everything that happened to my family

.
Everything that happened to my mum. My

siblings. Where were you when I needed you

most? You went crawling back to her. After

all talks, after all emotional breakdowns
,
after all late night talks, after all the time

wasted, you decided to opt for her because

she has always beaten me in the first place.

After all boys always opt for the Prom

Queen and not the girl next door, do they?

Sincerely, it is alright. I would be okay. I

promise you this. Everything to be okay.

If we were meant to be together, we would.

I wouldn't back down. And today I find

myself smiling again. I am okay. Seriously at 

the very least I am moving on. I am able to 

dance through the hallways again. I am 

happy again. I don't need you, seriously I 

don't. Don't come back with all that crap 

that you are happy for me that my life is 

perfect without you in it. Have you ever 

tried to removed a swollen tooth? My dentist 

onctold mthat letting go is like 

pulling a tooth. When it was pulled out, you 

were relieved, but how many times does 

your tongue run itself over the spot where 

the tooth was? Probably a hundred times a 

day. Just because it wasn't hurting you 

doesn't mean you didn't notice it. It leaves a 

gap and sometimes you see yourself missing 

it terribly. It's going to take a while, but it 

takes time. Should you have kept the tooth? 

No, because it was causing you too much 

pain. Therefore, move on and let go.
 It's not fair? I see the way you look at her. 
I know, because you used to look at me that way.
I am pretty excited because I've got these birthday presents planning going on again after two years not meeting him. So wish me luck. Next blog post is going to be about all of it. So glad that I have got things going on again. You peeps must have no idea how much I miss this guy right here, right now. 
But he's always in my heart thou.
I read this novel almost five years ago in school and I remembered crying for almost two nights in high school because Cecelia Ahern is so perfect describing a husband who died cause of brain tumor yet he actually planned ahead to write love letters to his wife day by day to help her move on in life. 

I fell in love with the movie, probably because Gerard Butler starred in it. So I rate this 8/10 <3 Because the movie was that perfect seriously <3 My favourite scene in the whole movie would definitely be the starting part. This scene, the waking up part <3

Purple line quotes are fully inspired by the movie, The Vow. Been rewatching so many movies these days. Super proud. That is all for now! 
Till' next time! 
Anyeonggg! :)




#Nowplaying
Back From The Dead ;
Skylar Grey <3












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