Something always brings me back to YOU.

Somethings always brings me back to you, and it never takes too long. 
No matter what I say to do, I still feel you're here, till the moment I'm gone. (Gravity, Sara Bareilles)

Last night it was raining so heavily when you told me that you're finally coming home. And then it hit me, that you've been gone for almost good 6 months and now that you're heading back, I do not know how shall I react. 

I was happy of course I was. But you being you, you always had the final word of say, don't you? You called my name and I made you spell it out and I teared knowing till today, you still don't even know how to spell my name. 

I corrected you and smirked all to myself. I told you that even after all these years you don't even know my full name. I began to realize that boys like you only go for pretty girls. That guys, you included, only goes for pretty girls and not smart ones. It is never the caring nor the good girls would win. And truthfully that breaks me a little. This is a real war that I'll never win. 

At times I began questioning on why being honest would make you mad. 
I wanted you to hear them from ME and not via others. So when I am honest, you simply get mad cause you get annoyed. You think I am probing around about you. Truthfully, this is me telling you that I am not interested in your past, it belongs to you. I am interested in being a part of your future.

You snapped so much, you questioned about everything you could ever think about. You scolded me about the way I dress to the way I carried myself. From the shoe I wore to the fact that my dress was too low 
and my jacket was too short, you really always have things your way. 

I have never truly have anyone who would hurt me like the way you do. 
I blinked back tears but before I could even answer, you continue criticizing everything you could ever think about. From the way I talk to the way 
I pose my photographs. Truthfully and frankly, it scares me. It scares me 
as to how much a stranger like you could wound me with your words. 

I took a step back to calm myself down before answering you 
and before I could even think, you ended it all up by saying 
"Raveenaa, you are worth it. I'll come back to see you". 
And then it hits me. That this is real. And that IT IS happening. 

I calmed myself and pulled my composure together. I convinced myself that I cannot be weak in front of you. I am scared, yes I am. You have no idea how precious you are to me and you'll never know it now, I guess. 
You'll never know how much I had loved you when you were away nor will you know how much you ever meant to me. For a very long time I thought, 
"I think I should let you go cause you're unhealthy". 

When you love someone, let them go, if they come back, 
they are meant to be yours. Otherwise, they were never yours.  

"You'll never ever find out how precious you are to me".
"You are so worth it".
"You were The One, but you were Not."
"You were The One then you left, but now I'm just a girl you'll forget".


I've missed you, but this is me, telling you, 
I'm letting you go. 


Welcome back, babe. Malaysia misses you.