I never really speak much about my feelings. Not out loud anyways. I never knew how to express them out. But once in a while, I guess I would really appreciate it, if people asks me, how have I been doing. How have I been holding up.
Or whether what did I had for lunch. Or even the simplest reminder of them all, to have people tell me that,
they love me, once in a while.
It is a nice feeling isn't it? To know how much you meant to a person. Of how much they actually value you. It's funny how people always say that you should be punished as to how you love people who never loves you, and to make matters worst, you push people who loves you away.
I remind myself once in a while. Of how many hearts I've broken. Of how I hurt people in so many ways I could think of. It is just that kind of sorrow and sadness that I put myself through. I then compare myself to what people, on the other hand do to me. To be honest, it's funny, I could say. It really is. How much you, go to the extent for just a person and how he just distinguishes you like that. Like, you were nothing.
Like, you couldn't worth any more less that you already are.
"Because you are the entire book that I've been reading again and again. Holding on for so long and yet, I was just another a chapter to you". You were long gone. That, I have to admit. You've moved on so long ago, to other chapters, to other people, to other girls. My mother once told me and I quote that I could anything in the world that I wanted to be, police, pilot, engineers, but there was never once,
that she reminded me, that I can never be your girl.
It is amusing. Really. Of how much I've put my heart through and today, I stand before you, to tell you that, I can never feel anymore. You've abused this heart of mine, till I am numb. Numb, I promise. But here's the question I can never get an answer to. What have I done, to obtain this treatment from you? What kind of sin or wrongdoings have I committed to deserve such a wrong person to fall in love for. True enough, there are two kinds of people on Earth. The one that would teach you a lesson and then leaves, or ones who comes and stays permanently. How could I be
so wrong? How could I be more wrong than this?
You took away, friends, money, relatives, pictures, family, you split everyone apart, you swore upon God, that you would destroy me, but what have I done,
to always crawl back to you again?
God must have had His plans when He puts me there in her life. I knew, I was about to walk on ashes of fire but I pulled out though everyone knew how tempting it was.
I walked out, and today, this is what you did to me.
I stand before you, with shame, humiliation, hunger, defeated, tired and exhausted, to tell you this. That you've won. You've won this game that you've created. That you win this war. That I lost. I lost the battle and
most importantly, I lost, YOU.
most importantly, I lost, YOU.
Advice, time, money, effort, youth, studies, support, encouragement, I gave it all to you.
What more could you ask for from me to give?
What more could you ask for from me to give?
Yes, people who surrounds me tells me to give up. But this isn't me. I wasn't raised to be taught to threw away things that are broken. Instead I have learned to fix things that are broken instead of just throwing it away.
Why can't we ever worked it out? Why can't we ever try to do this? Why do we let it go when it is 'us' who we want the most. How do I be okay when the best part of me,
WAS ALWAYS YOU?
WAS ALWAYS YOU?
Think of me then, now and then.
#Let Marvin Gaye get it on :]
#Nowplaying
#CharlieandMeghan
#Charlie Puth and Meghan Trainor
