I wished I knew that this was coming.
That people were going to leave me and ;
I was expected to just watch them leave and ;
those who cares, would eventually stay.
I have been feeling that 24 hours is not even sufficient for me. With so many classes to catch up with, workload on pending, and never ending list of people to meet, I feel as if I cannot pull through this phase of life. And it scares me that I cannot
seem to find time for anything or people that I love.
Until recently, when I spoke to you, I realized that you do not understand any part of these which I am going through. It doesn't makes me angry, yet I am sad because to me, you should have known better.
And despite after all that we have gone through, it makes me feel you just wanted to benefit out of all of this. How do I put a value to our friendship? I can never place a price tag on it. But when I hear all of those words you uttered, for once, I feel that I need to remove toxic people like you, away, from my life.
Lately, I think I just enjoy being alone. I love the quietness I have and people who I need are all along me. I just needed the 5 friends who would go against the world, with me. And it took me so long to realize that, I enjoy my own company. It makes me sad and numb, but three words for myself, life. goes. on.
Thus, there would be changes now.
It is time to invest in new people. It is time to let go of the past and stop beating myself up over it. Pointless. Exasperating. So, why not find other people till I figure who is compatible and who doesn't.
To those who have always stayed, I couldn’t thank you enough. It is during this lowest hit rock bottom time of mine that you all stayed despite having me to keep pushing you all away. Keep staying because it is during this darkest of times that I needed you all most. Thank you for never leaving my side and
always helping me to tug on. Thank you for being the greatest and strongest pillar I have in life, loves.
I think what most people do not understand is that when you are in a bad mood, just don’t mix them up with bad words. Eventually your mood will past but never your words. And I think this is me included. When one says something, I tend to let it take the best out of me because that’s what people do. They criticizes and comments the best out of you, points fingers and makes me feel all insecure and things.
But I have learnt, the hard way of course, that I need to let this attachment go. I’ve cried, I’ve tried so hard yet I still fail. And I slowly began that there are changes, between the both of us. I honestly do not know if this leads to the better or the worst, but I do know that, I have done my part. One day, I would be able to turn back and comfort myself to say that,
“ Hey, at least I’ve tried ”.
How can some people just be so mean? How can some people be so dark inside that it burns them to always be so hateful. Haven't you heard that inner beauty comes from within? Why do you have so much unhappiness and unhappiness within you that you have to destroy another? Can you live with that thought that you’ve destroyed another beautiful soul? Another beautiful soul like me, in specific.